Robert Palmer: Doctor Doctor give me the news! Doctor: You have contracted lung cancer and AIDS. You will die before Christmas.

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Ellen: Knock knock Steve: Who's there? Ellen: Banana Steve: Banana who? Ellen is offline and can't receive messages right now.

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Why was the Jewish man in jail? He lit a local CVS on fire.

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Roses are red, violets blue, um... that's all i got.

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I guess calling you dear was a bit overboard for you huh? Well, just promise me you will get whatever help you need if you get ill.

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A panhandler came up to me today and said he hadn't had a bite in weeks, so I gave him some change.

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ask me if im a door yes

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Why did the chicken successfully cross the road? It didn't in the middle of the street it got hit by a car.

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Well, I feel that I've stepped outside my comfort zone.

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How do you treat someone that is feels like a total failure? Treatment: Okay, draw a square on the board over there, but in order to succeed, you must fail at it. Patient one: Oh, I drew a cicrle :( Patient two: I drew a square :( Congratulations one you succeeded at failing! Now get outta here. Congratulations patient two, you succeeded at the given task, bye bye.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the sloth fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the monkey.

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why couldnt the little boy watch two and a half men? because charlie sheen left and the other guy had surgeery and now has 2 penises

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Whats brown and ryhmes with Snoop? Dr. Dre.

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Why was the girl crying? She prolapsed.

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Why was the snowman afraid of the sun? Because he would melt that day and die

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Why does the Green Giant's vegetables taste funny? He stands over his peas and corn.

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how do u get the baby to stop choking? take ur dick out of its mouth!!!

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once upon a time there was a cripple little girls who lived in an orfanage were she got raped then beat .

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What did the pedophile say to the delightfully curly-headed youth? Can I have fries with that?

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A man with ADD walks into a bar. He then.......Damn Nature, you scary!

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What smells like bananas but is invisible? Monkey farts

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Roses are black Violets are Black I'm Hellen Keller

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Q: What do you call a man with a spade in his head? A: An ambulance.

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A guy walks up to his boy and tells him, "Hey, if you don't stop masturbating you'll go blind." The boy says, "Who are you? Your not my father."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops