Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. He calls the right number.

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Q: How do you do to get an elephant down from a tree? A: Wait for the fall when the leaves start falling you shoot it down.

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This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

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What did Osama Bin Laden say to Hitler? Nothing, because they clearly never made contact with each other, owing to the fact that Osama was born approximately 13 years after Hitler had committed suicide

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http://media.photobucket.com/image/whale%20penis/marcus1v0/whale_penis2.jpg

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Why did all the boys come to my yard? Because of My milkshakes

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Why did the man have a bad day? Well first of all, his wife left him, then his two kids both committed suicide, then a large falcon pecked at him genital area. After that he proceeded to be hit by a car, and soon after he was hit by a bus. Following this, his corpse was raped by a transvestite pig, and then finally his spirit got hit by a plane on its way up to heaven, knocking it to Hell.

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why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the fried chicken restaurant... BAWK BAWK cannibal

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Whats the difference in car and a bicycle? One has an engine and drivetrain designed to run on gas and the other is powered by your output of work

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If you can't see what I see... You must be blind. If you can see what I see... Well I can't be blind because I have been able to see all my life!

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What's the cure of cancer? Death.

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Why did your mom fall off the swing? I shot him.

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Q: What's worse than getting jury duty? A: Getting herpies from a rabbit

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How do you help a one-armed man down from a tree? Wave.

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jamie and danel texta like to make love to each other using a gerbal as a toy when they make love they get a african covered in jelly to help them.

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Two straight men walk into a gay bar. They quickly realize their mistake and cross the street to the tavern where they enjoy a beer and some pretzels.

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Man: I just bought this hearing aid Friend: How much did it cost Man: No it's 8 o'clock

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What's funnier than ten dead babies nailed to one tree? Nothing, infant mortality is not a laughing matter.

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A Muslim walks into a public library. 32 people killed in the explosion.

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What's slippery when wet? A wet slipper.

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MURRRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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What did the man want a car for his birthday? 7.

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Why did the girl eat a cookie? Because cookies are good.

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Q: How do you fit two beluga whales into a mini van? A: You don't.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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