two men are in a bathroom (note they are not in the same stall) the guy on the left says how are you and the guy on the right says hold on im pooping.

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Why wasn't Susie happy? because she was raped by her grandfather.

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Why did the cow cross the road? Cause it wanted to. Why di the chicken cross the road? Cause it was stapled to the cow's face.

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whats fat, green and hairy? Nothing I would pleasure myself to.

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How many Azheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side!

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What do you get when you cross a cat and a dog? A dead cat.

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What do you call a black man with a gun a soldier who is fighting for his country

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How many Jews can you fit in the car? 4 in the seats and 6 million in the ashtray.

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Knock Knock ! Who's there? Jim. Oh come in.

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Why did the father and his son drop their cola? Because a meteor hit and killed all life on Planet Earth.

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Roses are red Violets are blue some poems rhyme this one doesn't

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What did one dinosaur say to the other? Nothing and if you think dinosaurs talk you might need to be diagnosed for having Schizophrenia. Invega is a subtle treatment.

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If God created the world, including man kind, why do we worship him? We are corrupt, selfcentered, animal slaughterers. He made us this. So, Why?

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On a scale of 1 to Kevin James, how much do you exercise?

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What's worse than getting a papercut? Literally anything.

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No smoking No eating No drinking On this bus Didn't say anything about sniffing

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Knock knock! Who's there? Alzheimer's Alzheimer's who? To get to the other side!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the farmer that was trying to kill it.

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Roses are red, Violets are violet, If you think Violets are blue you're an idiot because they're called violets for a reason.

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I accidentally solicited a prostitute today. I was driving in an iffy neighborhood and saw a woman on the sidewalk, so I stopped to ask if she could give me directions. She must have misheard me.

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Gladly, you sound very confident, makes me happy. Well, doctors thought I had ADHD (go figure) but I am pretty calm outside the internet, then they went with ADD, but since my attention is twofold, this meaning that I can get a lecture, while noticing a toothpick falling on the other side of the room (noticing as in perceiving with focus not necessarily listening but you know, seeing from the corner of ones eye) Yet still focus well enough to get the lecture in details. So its not split focus such as in ADD, but dual, as in me being able to think about two things at once, but also burning out extremely fast, which again, is far from ADD.

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I told my friend one of these anti-jokes, he took it seriously and beat my head with a bat.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it was hit by a bus.

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I meant to state that I threatened to kill him unless he refused to state that I broke his knees (and broke his wrists, I forgot to mention that too, such misery... ...Give a real man a chance here, its not every day I have to kill my mother... But you still wont hear me whining about it, asked my wife if she forgave me if I spent the rest of the day smirking, after all my mother "had visions" where my wife was Satan, which is fun, since I was also Satan the day I was born... Because my name is Nero... A NAME SHE GAVE ME! Still, not very dignifying getting the shit beat out that old hag because she was on some blend of angel dust, and still not so fun killing her by biting half her neck off... ...Literally not so fun, kinda fun? You bet, tasted disgusting, watching her choke to death was...Lets just say I have shared enough joy with you for one day.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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