A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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There are two muffins in an oven. Since they are inanimate objects, they do nothing but sit there and bake until they are a golden brown color, at which point a man takes them out of the oven and eats them for breakfast.

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How do you silence Justin Bieber? Hold his head under water until he stops struggling.

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What happened after Will Ferrell took a dump? He wiped his ass and flushed.

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How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Stab her.

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Q: what sport has a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench? A:the NBA

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What did the cannibal eat for breakfast? Waffles.

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Q. Where do all funny jokes come from? A. The people who made them up

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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what did mohammed say to Jesus? nothing they lived in completly different time periods

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What's the funniest part of a tomato? The skin.

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a boy put a blanket oveer his head one night... He was warm for the rest of the night

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Q.If I have four apples and billy has 4 oranges, how many pancakes will fit on the roof. A. 3 because aliens like purple hats.

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Why did the little boy lose his fingers? He was left unattended with a chain saw.

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What's the new green? Green

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I'm going as the joker for halloween

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Whats black, dead, and hangs from a tree in my backyard? Your Mom

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What do you call a dog? A cat. What do you call a cat? A banana.

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There was an English man, an Irish man and a Scottish man. The Welsh man couldn't make it. Again.

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Two guys fight over a girl. The girl gets up from under them.

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Q: what comes after 69? A: 70

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What's black, white, and can't turn around in a phone booth? A nun with a javelin through her chest.

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What is white and weighs twice as much as Shamoo? My ass.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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