You know you're dyslexic when life gives you melons.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

I told my two lesbian friends I wanted to join them. I am a priest in a Gay Marriage friendly state and they are happily married.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the Asian man open up a Sushi restaurant? Because he had a fetish for cumming in sushi and giving it to strangers.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

a man walks into a bar and was arrested because it wasn't a bar it was a bank and he shot and killed 4 people during the armed robbery

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why is McDonalds bad for you? Because their is so much fat in all its products, and contains many calories.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do u call a man who sells hot dogs on the street? A Mexican

thumb_up thumb_down +6

do you know what happened to the bravest warrior in the battle who got stabbed in the foot while trying to rescue puppies from a burning building and dying children? well he took the children and puppies home, and ate them. then the SWAT came in and killed him. so yeah... oh... suck my a s s barf

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do polar bears have that no other animal has? Polar bear babies.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A king's son's birthday was coming up and the king asked,"Son i'm the king. You can have anything you want." And the son said,"Oh i'll have some purple ping pong balls." For his birthday he got a rollar coster, a pizzaria, a new car, and of corse, some purple ping pong balls. The next year the king asked,"Son, i'm the king, you can have anything you want." and the son said,"Oh i'll have some purple ping pong balls." And for his birthday he got a manchin, an iphone, a water park, and of corse some purple ping pong balls. One day, the prince was driving in his car and was in a terrible car accadent. On his death bed, his father asked him one final question,"Son, why did you want all of those purple ping pong balls?" And the son answered,"Well, i wanted all of them because-" and then he died.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why was the Japanese man unable to see? Because it was extremely sunny outside and he had forgotten to wear sunglasses.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road A. Because he needed to get to the other side

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because She's Dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q: What do you call a Polish astronomer? A: Copernicus.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

If i knew people where coming i would have trimed my antlers

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did silly Miss Sally put her baby in the dishwasher? Because she was suffering from advanced stages of Schizophrenia. She thought that her baby was a dish. Her mother, Carol watched in horror as her granddaughter was placed inside. A tear dribbled from her eye. Things had been bad, but because Sally was her daughter, she had been tolerant. Carol sobbed as the baby screamed in terror, unable to escape. Finally, Carol, tears in her eyes, called Child Protective Services on her own daughter, something she didn't want to do. When CPS representatives finally came, they were horrified at the sight of a screaming baby covered in suds with burnt skin that had been scorched by hot jets. Sally's baby, Alex was taken from her and put into foster care.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Boy: "But I don't wanna visit Grandma!" Mother: "Shut up and keep digging."

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q: y does obama keep raising gas prices A: he dosent want anyone to be able to drive to the poles in november

thumb_up thumb_down +6

person: Ask me if i'm a tree other person: are you a tree? person: no

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's worse than being raped? Being raped twice.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Three men went out for a night on the town, one had too much to drink and was forced to take a cab home.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Roses are red, Violets are red, Tulips are red, Dandelions are red, I lit your garden on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

David entered a radio contest to see who had the best pun; his pun was insufficient and he did not win.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What kind of shots does John take at night? Insulin, because he's a diabetic.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How do you make an apple puff? Put the apple in a large pan with some water. Cover and cook gently for 20-25 minutes until soft. Add sugar and nutmeg to taste. Transfer to a bowl and leave to cool. Cover with pastry and bake until well-risen and golden.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops