A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

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Knock knock! Who's there? F*ck. F*ck who? F*ck you.

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What's worse then failing a math test? Your mom getting shot

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Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except for the cases when you die...then you are dead.

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I have suicidal thoughts

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What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Everything.

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what is blue and smells like fish? blue fish ;)

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when life gives you lemons you make lemonade when life gives you a homisidle brige you clearly have done something to make life angery

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Gorillas are black, Roses are red, Were out of milk, GET THE F**K OUT!

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What happened to the homeless guy when a woman gave him five dollars? He shot the woman because he is mentally retarded.

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What is black and burns really well? charcoal.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, and so do I.

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What did the black guy say when after he jumped in the pool? Wow, its kinda chilly.

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Kobe Bryant passing the ball

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why did the two girls fight? Because they were mad at eachother.

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What is brown and woody? Brown wood.

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I fantasize about having sex with a moose

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a man was beating his wife his wife asks him to stop he says no and continues beating her

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What do you get when you cross Skyrim and Call of Duty? A video game that has similarities to Skyrim and Call of Duty.

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Roses are red Violets are? blue Lets eat poo I know you want to

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A man walks into a bar, the other man ducks.

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How do you leave a jackass in suspense? I'll tell you later.

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Obama

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A van drives into a car.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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