Your so ugly That when you look into a mirror it shows an accurate potrail of your unproportionit face

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I used to be an Adventurer like you... But then I decided that it was a dangerous form of employment and stopped.

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Why was Jane absent from school today? Because she got mugged on her way there, and soon after was hit by a passing bus.

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There was a little boy in kindergarten who really had to go to the bathroom. So he asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, and she told him he could go at snack time. The little boy really had to go to the bathroom, so he asked his teacher again, and like before, she told him to wait until it was snack time. The little boy had to go very very badly and asked the teacher one more time. This time the teacher said "if you can say the alphabet, then you can go to be bathroom" so the little boy got up all his courage and started off with "A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y and Z." Then the teacher said,"good job" and let him go to the bathroom. When he went there was a man waiting in the stall who brutally raped and murdered the boy.

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What did the pirate say when his parrot died? Nothing. He was upset and didn't really feel like talking.

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what did the Spanish priest say to the Ukranian gynocologist? *fart*

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What do you call your mum without an umbrella? Saturated Fat

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Womens rights

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What is worse then rain on your wedding day? Getting married.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic, And so am I.

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What is the loneliest number to exist? Zero. Except it's not lonely. I'm just saying there are zero lonely numbers. Numbers aren't sentient. They can't feel loneliness.

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What's my name? I don't know u tell me.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Who cares?

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Why did the man scream? He got his dick caught. In the zipper.

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Good to see you today!

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What's the difference between mw2 and mw3? Nothing

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Why did the man push open the door? The sign said PUSH.

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How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They brutally whipped and tortured her.

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What's green and has 4 wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

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Wanna hear a Harry Potter joke? Knock Knock Who's there? You know You know who?

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Q. What's green and will kill you if it falls out of a tree A. A pool table

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Chikin nuggets

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Q. Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone? A. He got attacked by a dog.

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Reduce, reuse, recycle Anti-joke.com

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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