A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but it nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.

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where do you hide a black mans paycheck? somewhere he would never find it

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What did the Orange say to the Apple? Nothing. Both of them are lifeless objects, thus lacking the ability to speak.

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Patient: Doctor Doctor! Every Time I Drink Some Tea, My Eye Is Really Sore! Doctor: Next Time Take The Spoon Out...

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How many lesbians did Tiger Woods bang? None, his standards are much higher than that

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A man is at the dentists. The dentists says, "Oh my, your teeth are terrible!" The man says, "Yes I know. I am addicted to Meth".

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Your mama is so fat. Just look at her.

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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A muslim walks through a medal detector before the entrance of the airport terminal. The alarm goes off and he is arrested by TSA officials, they open his jacket and find 30lbs of high explosives.

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Why did the old man miss the Alzheimer's Day walk? Because he died in his sleep.

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Hey, I just met you And this is crazy This song doesn't rhyme PENIS

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What do you call a black man who likes watermelon and fried chicken? Someone who likes good food.

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A man sees another man sitting on a bench with a pickle in his ear. He asks the man "Why do you have a pickle in your ear?" The other man replies "What? I couldn't hear you because I have a pickle in my ear."

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A man and a woman are happily married. The die

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What did the blonde waitress say to the man with a curly moustache? Good evening, are you ready to order?; yes [x2]; and what would you like with it?; certanly; there you go; no, I'm sorry; right.

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What did the jerk say to the Mexican? You are a Mexican

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A.act like u see a banner and say hey do you see that banner over there? B.no what are u talking about A.oh well there's a banner over there

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What do a plum and an elephant have in common? They're both gray, except for the plum

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What is the worst thing about a couple of white kids playing with a couple of black kids? There are no parks or recreation centers within walking distance from there houses.

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What do you say to a rock? Meow

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Why did the teacher fall on her face? She was shot in the back of her head.

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Why did the chicken commit suicide? Because the numerous failed attempts of crossing over the years deemed it almost impossible, therefore, chicken could no longer see the point in life.

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A boy writes an anti-joke. It is not funny. He sees his friends teasing him about the jokes stupidity. He promptly pokes his eyes out with a dull broom stick. He can still hear his friends mocking him. He cuts his ears off with an industrial meat slicer. He wakes up the next morning and doesnt give a crap about the prior days events. Mainly because he can no longer see or hear.

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Knock knock Who's there? Cow Cow who? If you really think about it, it's really now

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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