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What did the hispanic say to the black guy? I'm not sure. I wasn't listening because eavesdropping is rude.

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What did the cat say at his mother's funeral? Nothing. He was too grief stricken over the loss of his beloved guardian.

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A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads: "A rare bearlike mammal (Ailuropoda melanoleuca) of the mountains of China and Tibet, having woolly fur with distinctive black and white markings. Also called giant panda, panda bear." Seeing absolutely nothing in this description that would rationalize the homicides the panda had just committed, the bartender arrived at the reasonable conclusion that the panda was psychotic and having severe psychological problems which probably caused the incident. The bartender couldn't help but wonder if this tragedy could've been avoided had the panda been properly screened for schizophrenia and guns been properly secured in a safe at the panda's mother's house.

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Q: Why was the math book sad? A: Because he recently found out that his parents died in a tragic car accident.

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If a small quiz is a quizicle then what is a small test? A quiz.

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How do you make a boy cry? Kill his family

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Knock knock. Who's there? Silence. Silence who? No, I meant there was silence, I didn't really say anything. Oh, OK. But seriously, who's there?

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 commited statutory rape on a younger 5, gang banged 8 with 10 and 11, murdered 9, and was sentenced to jail for life.... eventually the case was dropped and 7 was let out early for community service. He told 6 he was coming for him 6 months later.... 6 was so terrified he didn't know what to do... he was living in fear... eventually he commited suicide by jumping off a cliff just off the coach of Palm Beach into the pacific ocean. His body was never found His family didnt get to say good bye... This is why 6 was afraid of 7

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two scientists walk into a bar. one says, "i want h2o." the other says, "i want h2o too." the bartender gives them both water and nobody dies because he is not irresponsible enough to give someone concentrated hydrogen peroxide as a drink.

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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What is the name of the mermaid on the Starbucks logo? No one knows, she ran away many years ago of shame. It's undiscovered why.

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Q: Why was the teacher sad? A: Because she got fired

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A White guy, Asian guy, and Black guy walk into a bar, and the Black guy wins the joke, as to not be racist.

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And you honored it I see :P

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Skrillex.

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J- Jiggly E- Enormous S- Sad S- Smelly E- Ethiopian

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mary had a little lamb it's fleece was white as snow and everywhere that mary went it did a massive shit

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What's worse than walking into a lampost? Your seven year old child accidentally finding and watching a sex tape that you made years ago.

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What squirts out of your butt and runs down your leg? Bloody diarrhea.

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What happens when you get caught inside a tornado? You don't, the debris around you will most certainly kill you before you get close to the tornado.

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"Do you have Prince Albert in a can?" "No." "Good. Tobacco causes cancer."

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How do you get a person to jump off a cliff? You push them.

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What does a eagle and a bunny have in common.. nothing they're two different animals.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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