Crime doesn't pay. Sure it does

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So a Dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of skotch, the bartender realizes he must be dreaming. At that very moment he realises he is in a lucid dream. Since this is the case he decides to murder his wife who is in bed right next to him as an expiriment. Since its a lucid dream it doesnt matter. Next he goes down to the fridge and pulls out some old pizza. He sits down for about half an hour eating it along with a box of tuis that also magically appeared in his fridge. Then he goes outside steals the neighbours car takes it for a ride to his Sister-In-Laws house who he has always wanted to root. He goes over breaks the window with his hand. The lucid dream feels so real to him because he pains from the glass in his hand and then he goes up stairs finds his sister-in-law sleeping so he hops into bed with her. At the same moment the police arrive because they followed him from his home were they recieved complants they heard him kill his wife. Everything starts to turn into a nightmare, so scared he trys to make himself wake up. However he cannot. This is not a lucid dream. This is reality. Pizza was in his fridge because he had it for dinner the night before, Beer did not magically appear. his wife had bought it when she went gorccery shopping. He killed his wife, then stole his neighbours car and attempted to rape his Sister-in-law. So now he is going to jail. And no lawyer wants to take up the case so this man is doomed. No hope at all of ever being a free man again

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A Canadian walks into a bar, he rubs his head, steps around the bar, and walks into a bar. He has a great time hanging out with his friends and having a few drinks

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How do you tell when your dog is dead? I don't know. I never had a dog and my parents beat me.

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Sam murray got home after school one day, he siad hello to his father and possibly played some Avatar on the D.S

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What do you call a poor Donald Trump? Donald Trump

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roses are red violets are dead honey is yellow and so is head

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Why did the man starve to death? He had no food.

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wat is osama bin ladin's favorite sport grenade catch

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Knock knock" my mom says not to talk to strangers!"

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What did the vibrator say to the condom? Watch, I'll get laid before you do!!!

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? Tell him he won the current game of hide n seek.

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why did the firefighter let the fire burn... becuase of inattentivieness. he will soon be fired.

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what did one computer say to the other .........

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Why did the little boy wipe his face with a towel? It was covered with his dog's blood after getting hit by a bus.

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Forgiveness is what weaklings beg for, while redemption is what the strong succeed at.

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You're mother has had a heart attack in the middle of the street, you start to sing amazing grace hoping people will join in, but unfortunatly this is not a musical and you should call 911.

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Why did the girl fall out of the swing? She had no arms.

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Q: Why did they bury the Indian? A: Because he was dead.

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Why Couldn't the pirates see the movie? Because the mall strictly enforced local curfew laws ; and one of the pirates was unable to provide a valid form of identification.

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This site has ads. and so does every other free site

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Why did no one throw a fridge at the boy on the swing? Because fridges are heavy.

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why did the chicken cross the road? it didn't it got hit by a bus.

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How do you get a priest out of a tree? Throw a canoe at him.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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