What do you get when Johnson cooks toast? Shit toast.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im tired Cheese on toast

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Tim likes girls

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Mini mouse was brutally killed n Oakland Now Mickey is a Chinese member of the crips in Compton Remember don't forget to see the new Disney movie, Mickey Goes Gang-Bangin

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What's the biggest lie you've ever told? "I have read and agree to the Terms of Service"

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm in your apple.

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Jim has five apples. He gives two apples to Joe. What is left? Fruit

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What do you get a Jewish boy for Christmas? Nothing he died in 1943!

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What is big, eats cats, smells good, but looks like shit? A big, cat eating, good smelling piece of shit

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Why did the Titanic sink, even though people said it was unsinkable? Grit and determination.

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Giant scorpions, red roses, adoption, the holocaust, bars, changing light bulbs, and fridges.

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How many spots does a giraffe have? Depends on the giraffe.

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What made Qtip's so dangerous? Q-tip's music

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How can you treble the value of any Skoda car? Ensure its paintwork, upholstary, floor, lights, wipers, steering wheel, brake, horn, CD player, radio and clutch are clean and/or sound; fill its petrol tank, oil, brake and winscreen wiper fluid reserves; fit a roof rack; include a red triangle, a fire extinguisher, a blanket and a first aid kit in the sale; take out comprehensive insurance and pay a year's road tax and MOT before selling it.

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Did you hear about the Polish submarine? It was one of five in the Polish Navy.

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so a girl asks a guy: "if a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" the guy responds: "trees dont grow in the kitchen, so you shouldnt be worried about it."

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Why was the boy crying? His parents were brutally burned to death in a fiery car accident.

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OMG, THIS ACTUALLY WORKS!! 1. Hold your breath? for 5 minutes. 2. Die

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Why did the Chinese Arab buy blue paint? He already had red in his basement.

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Why did a little kid have a long face Because his face was stretched out by a truck wheel

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What did the dead baby say to horse? Nothing, it was dead

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Q: Why wasn't the baby playing with his blocks? A: Because his face was stapled to the floor

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what did the penguin say to the dodo bird. nothing because dodo birds have bin extinct for thousands of years and it is highly unlikely for a dodo bird to be saying anything to a penguin do to the fact they wouldn't be anywhere near each other and neither species can speak.

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Whats long hard and has seaman? A submarine!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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