What's black and white and red all over? A car in which some young hoodlum appears to have splashed a fair amount of red paint over the owner's otherwise charming checker pattern.

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A man and a woman are happily married. The die

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A horse trots into a bar. He is left with a bump on his head.

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What do you call a horse standing alone in an empty field? Tesco's own Beef Lasagne.

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A bar walks into a man... The man begins screaming uncontrollably as the corner of the building is inserted into his anus. Brick by brick, the bar forces its way inside the man's ass, as blood begins dripping down his legs. The man knows damn well it is impossible for such a large building to be contained inside him, but he grits his teeth and forces his ass open wider. His ribs break, his lungs collapse, and his now lifeless body is stretched into the shape of the bar. The bar is almost entirely consumed before the man's skin gives way to the bulging pressure...with an explosion of blood & organs, the shredded remains of the man are slung-shot around the lot where the bar formerly stood. The bar, now soaked in a mixture of blood & organ fluid, reflects upon the failure of its experiment. For the next attempt, a man of far greater fortitude must be used, so that his body does not burst so easily. Only then will it achieve its dream of becoming the first bar to walk into a man.

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Why couldn't my grandpa use a cell phone? He didn't have hands.

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what has two feet and is black all over? your mom after she died in a horrific house fire.

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How do you make money? Kill babies and sell them.

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What's the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my d i c k in your a s s.

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just a man and his thoughts....and a smart phone app, and a loving family, thats not the point.

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A giraffe walks into a bar and the bar tender asks "Why the long face?!" to witch he replied " I've just been mugged outside.".

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what's a fish with no eyes and out of water? its just a fish

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A man and woman walk into a funeral home. They are both very sad about the loss of their father who they loved dearly.

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Women's rights

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Roses are red violents are blue I have 5 figures and the middle one is for you

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A White guy, Black guy and Hispanic are all on the same bus. They get off at their predetermined stops and continue their day.

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why do they sparkle?!?!?!?!

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What makes boys so stupid? They like to play with girls' hearts and break them until they spew out blood all over the place.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. Traffic was too backed-up so the chicken took a different route.

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Q: Why did the girl have dirty knees? A: Cause she was dragged through the forest and raped.

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Ask me if I'm wearing pants. Are you wearing pants? Yeah.

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A drunk walks out of a bar gets in his car and proceeds to drive home the driver passed out at the wheel swerved in the wrong lane and smashed the car of the Jefferson family a young family of 4, the Jefferson family's car exploded into flames while the drunk sat back laughed and rubbed the wound on his head

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What did i say to the stupid person? Your Stupid.

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Mel Gibson is awoken by the ringing of his telephone. He proceeds to have a nice conversation with his wife.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops