- Anti Joke

A seal walks into a club.

You know what's cool? Yep.

What is the last bit of snow to fall from the sky called? Nothing. Meteorologists have not come up with a scientific term for this phenomenon.

A woman walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Yes ma'am?". She orders a gin and tonic, but the bartender had gave her two without realising, and so she pays for one only. She starts to contemplate whether to tell the bartender about his error or to just leave it and have a free glass of gin and tonic. However as she is a christian, gluttony is a sin, and she already had enough to drink today. However, she feels the need to have a relaxing drink today, because as she was on her job as a receptionist, when a customer tripped on the last step of the stairs behind her and broke his neck, dying instantly, which deeply saddened her. This later led her to indulge on 3 glasses of red wine in the staff room. She finally concludes after a few moments pondering, to not tell the bartender about his error, and pampered herself with two relaxing glasses of gin and tonic. Her dead, mutilated body was later found in the rubble of a car after a head-on collision with a truck.

Two pretzels were walking down an alley way, one was assaulted. In a instinctive move, the other quickly ran away and alerted the authorities. The assaulted pretzel was severely injured but slowly recovered covered from physical trauma and has now sought professional help to deal with it's great deal of post traumatic stress.

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

What do you think 3 black men want when the come and knock on your car window? They just want directions.

A one armed blond is in a tree, how to you get her to come down? You wave to her?

Whats the Difference between a corvette and a pile of dead babies? A Pile of dead babies is basically useless

What did the fridge say when I opened it? Nothing.

what is worse than falling off a bridge? .. getting pushed off a bridge

How do you confuse a blonde? Tell her she is a burnette.

Q: What did little Timmy get from his mother this Christmas? A: The contents of her will.

What do you call a muslim flying a plane> .....a pilot

Why does Eli Manning play for the Giants? Because he is huge.

Heeeheeeerrrrrrrrrrr

do you wanna hear a joke school

So um think of two things. Oh wait backspace that. What's the difference between Rebecca Black and your mom? Ok answer. Ok stop no seriously so. Enter. Ok Enter. Q backspace A nope Chuck Testa

Who's looking for judicial toenail clippings?

How do you eat a sandwich With yo mouth bi tch

WHY DID THE MAN FART HE WAS A FARTY PANTS AND WE CAN CHAT HERE ON THIS WEB GO TO ANTI JOKE SEE ME I WILL GIVE U JOKES

roses are red violets are blue my dick is long longer then you

I went up to my friend and she said to me, "Foop." I calmly went to the nearest teacher and told her that Susie is having a mental breakdown again

One time at band camp.............that's it........

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops