What did one muffin in the oven say to the other muffin Nothing food doesn't talk

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What is colourful and explodes in the air. I don't know but it sounds cool!

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Well I do want it to end now but...WHAT? How did you get that trough? I thought hypnosis was supposed to increase awareness and focus.

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guy 1... "do you no any funny jokes?" guy2 ..."no" guy1 ..."same"

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Your mommas so fat that she may die.

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Three men are on a plane*. (*Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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What has four wheels and can fly? A flying car What else has four wheels and can fly? Another flying car

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know why, but I was standing on the other side of the road and I took it home and mamed the chicken with a powerdrill.

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What did John F. Kennedy say to Kurt Cobain? Nothing. They never met.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Your landlord. I'm here to collect rent

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What's brown and sticky? a stick.

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What's the difference between a rabbit and a plum? They're both purple, except for the rabbit.

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(insert antijoke here

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What did the White guy say to the Black Guy? "Hey, what's up?"

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Why was school cancelled? Because the school was bombed.

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Q-- Why did the boy stop playing football? A -- He had to go for his tea

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs on your porch? Matt.

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How do you stop a run-away bus? You sit down in the driver's seat and gently place your foot on the brake pedular and proceed to press it down. The brake pads, located in the calipers, will squeeze the brake discs and slow the bus eventually to stop at the crosswalk for the old lady accompanied by a young boy scout to cross the street and continue their wonderful lives.

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If thin people skinny dip, what do fat people do? Sink

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nick toth

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What do you call a man with no arms and legs swimming? Drowning.

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What runs faster than a nigger with a stolen tv? His brother with the remote

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Hey, where'd my tractor go?

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Why did the aeroplane engine fallon the house? Because of Donnie Darko

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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