How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if I had sex with your mother?

thumb_up thumb_down +153

Why didn't Tommy walk to school? 'Cause he was in a wheelchair..

thumb_up thumb_down +73

Your mom smells so bad that she proceeded to take a shower and then didnt smell bad at all.

thumb_up thumb_down +65

What did the doctor say to the Lawyer? I get paid more

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Two people on a boat, Pete and Repete. Pete fell off and Repete radioed the Coast Guard, who sadly got there just in time to watch him drown to his death.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What do you call a black man flying an airplane? A pilot

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What's a bit smaller than the tallest man in the world? The 2nd tallest man in the world.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What's worse than one bee sting? 2 bee stings

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Q: What did my uncle Tom say when he first encountered my friend Richard Jefferson? A: Hello

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Richard fell off of a cliff. He can fly.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Whats worse than the holocaust? A n a l

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Q: Why MohammadReza Is a Bitch? A: Because he isnt a whore

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the aeroplane engine fallon the house? Because of Donnie Darko

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Q: How did that man get two black eyes? A: He was born!

thumb_up thumb_down -21

"What's 'green', 'blue', and 'red' all over?" My color-blind friend said in confusion.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Q. Why do Puerto Ricans throw their trash away in clear plastic bags? A. So Italians can go window shopping.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

What did the prisoner receive on his 44th birthday? Well obviously all mail in prisons is checked, but nothing dangerous was found. He received a book on different types of steam engines (he is a railway fan), some chocolate (galaxy caramel, which is his favourite), a crossword challenge book (he gets bored in his cell) and the anti joke book.

thumb_up thumb_down -93

Orange Orange Orange Orange Orange Orange Orange Orange Orange Orange. Aren't You Glad I Didn't Say Cliterus?

thumb_up thumb_down -113

What kind of animal eats and pisses on everything? Your mother. -Avery Vartanian

thumb_up thumb_down +98

Three nuns walk into a bar. They realize they are in a place they don't want to be, so they leave, casting furtive glances around, fearing that someone from their congregation will see them and think they went in to drink.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

What's brown and sticky? a stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What did the man want a car for his birthday? 7.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

A blonde walks into a salon and says "I would like to get my golden locks trimmed." The haircutter replies "surely, just sit yourself down in that chair over there and I'll be with you momentarily." The blonde walks to the chair and sits down. When the haircutter comes over he asks her, "would you please remove your headset, I can't cut your hair while they're on." She laughs at her forgetfulness and removes them obligingly.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why is it hard to fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops