what did hercules parents tell him? You're adopted

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why did the boy die? because he got shot

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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i fell like im going to reverse john becase i ate a bikle penis jackson

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What did the rock say to the other rock? Nothing they're rocks? What did the tree say to the other tree? Nothing they're both trees? What did the pillow say to the other pillow? Nothing they're both pillows? What did the cat say to the other cat? Meow.

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What do you call a New Zealander with 1000 lovers? A shepard

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Why does Sally sell sea shells down by the sea shore? To support her growing crack addiction that is ruining Sally's and Sally's families lives

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One below was by me: Walter H

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Knock knock. MAN: Who's there? HOOKER: The hooker you called for. MAN: Oh, dear lord. My wife hasn't left yet. I need you to come back in fifteen minutes. WIFE: Honey, who is it? MAN: It's the hooker I called for, but you haven't left. I told her to come back in fifteen minutes.

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Two pretzels were walking down the street when one got assaulted...

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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What do you call a mormon in a red jumpsuit covered in black spots? Proper terminology for this scenario has not been yet made

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1 little monkey jumping on the bed, he fell off and hit his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said, "Your son died of a concussion."

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Why doesn't Santa Claus like cantaloupe? Because he doesn't exist. You have to exist to like cantaloupe.

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Why did Jimmy miss a question on his test? He put D

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Q. What did the pedophile get when he went to jail? A. Exactly what he wanted.

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What is blue and smells like the sea The ocean

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What did Santa say to the prostitute? "Merry Christmas!"

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What did the blond do on October 12th? Get hit by a bus

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Horse with a chair on his head.

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What did Hitler say to his empire, A lot of stuff that I am to lazy to look up, all i know that the holocaust was bad and we shouldn't repeat it.

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What do you do when a blonde falls up an elevator? Pray, and hope Jesus will take you as well. Just kidding, Jesus isn't real.

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who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Osama Bin Laden

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How do you fit four gay men on a bar stool? You build an exceptionally large bar stool

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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