How do you make a little boy cry? You rape his dog

thumb_up thumb_down -5

How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator? You open the door, put the giraffe in and close the door.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A black guy walks into a shop, takes a shirt, and then he pays for it.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's worse than rain on your wedding day? You scheduling your wedding to be held on an aircraft carrier on december 7th 1941.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

just a man and his thoughts....and a smart phone app, and a loving family, thats not the point.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

what did the tree say when it fell down? Nothing it is humanly impossible for a tree to talk. Especially after it fell down. I mean that would hurt.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

hey timmy, wanna go to Disneyworld?! tough. *10 seconds later* still no timmy

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Guess who is violent. Osama

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What was the only animal to not board the ark in pairs? Loads of animals because it didn't happen.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How do you kill a dwarf? You put rope around his neck and attach the other end to a concrete slab. Proceed to then through him in the ocean.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

what to call someone thats gay zak

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How do you get a person to stop talking to you? Ask nicely to please be quiet and let me talk.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What do you get when you mix a burrito and an earthworm? Diaherea

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Knock knock. Who's there? Ted. Come in.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A baby seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

whats black, white, and red all over? your mum

thumb_up thumb_down -7

ilglsdfbvklwbkvbsjklgvsdgbvilsdbklvbwdjkbvwdfseghrfvuowebg

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why was the couple in the waiting room crying? Because their son was diagnosed of AIDS and will probably not live into his twenties.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

SOY COMO SOY Y ME ENCANTA SI NO ME VALORAS ESE ES TU PEDO

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Q: Why was the balloon scared of unicorns? A: Buses dont exist therefore the balloon was just insane.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Two friends sit down at a table for lunch. One, in a very frustrated mood, says to the other, "You know what I don't get?" His friend immediately responds: "Sex."

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One asks the other "Isn't it hot in here?" To which the other replies, "Holy ****, a talking muffin!"

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What's worse then finding a worm in ur apple? Nothing it sucks and it's a waste of an apple

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops