Why didn't the cat have any legs? Because it was a snake

thumb_up thumb_down +11

One dog says to the other dog "Nice day, isn't it?" The other dog says "You can talk!?"

thumb_up thumb_down +11

I was gonna tell a gay joke Butt fuck it.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

what do women and men have in common? nothing, women are inferior

thumb_up thumb_down +11

why did the chicken cross the road? he didnt, its just a myth

thumb_up thumb_down +11

If you're reading this, you can read.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the parents order the 16 year old daughter to move out of Virginia? Because she lost her virginity

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the man have sex with other men? Because he was homosexual.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Dani Barton is not that! She is a great girl with a strong heart and feelings. The statement below is a joke, hence why it was published on AntiJokes. This is NOT a joke however.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Whats worse than losing your car keys? Watching your 4 year old son get visciously raped by a 20stone sex hungry pedophile and knowing you cant do anything about it because the sex hungry pedophile is your dad and he is the alpha male of the family so he has full mating rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Your mother is so nice, I saw her while grocery shopping and we pleasantly chatted. She also remembered my name and invited me to come over sometime and have a snack.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What do you say to a friend named Alex? The Game

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Chuck Norris walks in to a bar then many people greet him because of his celebrity status.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How many black people does it take to change a light bulb? one, its a fairly easy task

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the blind man say to the deaf man? Can you speak up? I cant hear you!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A police officer walks into a doughnut shop. He approaches the cashier and hands him 20$. He says "Here, I saw you drop this on your way in" he promptly leaves the store.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Knock knock Who's there No one. The house has been vacant for years.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Did u hear what happened to that man with no arms and no legs who tried to play water polo? No, what happened He drowned....

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's worse than finding out that your dog has worms? Finding out that you have worms.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why does the deer cross the road? It had just birthed two deer, one of which was hungry, and food was on the other side, the other had been hit by 4x4 Hemi V8 Supercharged F1-50.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +9

There are three muffins sitting in an oven. The first one says nothing. The second one also says nothing. They're just muffins and muffins can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's worse than winning a gold medal at the special olympics? Not being retarded.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How do we achieve world peace? KILL EVERYBODY. Nobody can fight when they're dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops