You know you are really drunk if your blood alcohol Is higher than .08

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Q: What do you get if you combine a melody, instrumentation, rhythm, and vocals? A: Um, music, you idiot.

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what's worse than the holocaust? when starbucks puts whip cream in my hot chocolate and I didn't ask for it. created by KA

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Roses are red Violets are blue, I am sorry... But you have terminal cancer and are probably going to die in about 3 months

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TRICERATOPS!

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Dave: My wife just gave birth! The baby is doing good. John: You mean doing well?

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What's worse than getting hit by a bus? Getting hit by two buses.

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Why didn't the black man eat a packet of crisps? Because he didn't have any.

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Q: what is blue and floats in a pool? A: a baby Q: what is purple and at the bottom of the pool? A: the baby 5 minutes later

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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what is the difference between a indian and a trampoline? you take you shoes off to jump on the trampoline.

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whats the one about not giving a crap? oh yea this one

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What happened to truck full of watermelons careening down the hill? After panicking, the driver was able to gain composure, and shifting the truck into a lower gear, was able to deliver the track safely to the side of the road at the bottom of the ill, where he sat down alongside of the road under the shade of an apple tree, sucking on delicious watermelon.

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What does Santa Claus keep in his gardening shed? Nothing. Santa Claus isn't real.

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A man buys a kitten from the store. He gets home, takes it out of its cage, and realizes that it wasn't the kitten he wanted. He then returns to the store and exchanges for the kitten he originally wanted, but then decides to keep both because he is feeling particularly hungry.

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Yesterday I was diagnosed with Depression... It made me sad.

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why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 was scary.. made by Kevin Kool

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Why don't people say YOLO anymore? They all died in car crashes while texting and driving.

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A blind man walks in a bar I mean like a metal bar But it didn't hurt He only laught

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Why is Easter better than christmas? Theres a significantly less chance of getting raped by a man in a Santa Claus costume.

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Why is it bad to smoke in a public place? Because secondhand smoke may cause lung cancer.

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violets are red my name is bob this poem makes no sense microwave

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How do you make a dead baby float? Ice cream, root beer, and a dead baby.

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. Except when I said muffins I meant Jews. .. I guess it really isn't that funny anymore.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops