A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Whats worse than losing your car keys? Watching your 4 year old son get visciously raped by a 20stone sex hungry pedophile and knowing you cant do anything about it because the sex hungry pedophile is your dad and he is the alpha male of the family so he has full mating rights.

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What do you call a large group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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A baby seal walks into a club. It was a tragedy.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house? No. Neither Has He.

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tomorrows international kill and orphan day, how meany of the sad bastard's you plan on baking into dough?

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A Jew, an atheist, and an Asian man walk into a bar. They all have a drink and then go home to their families

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whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a red corvette? i don't have a red corvette in my garage

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What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown? Well, I couldn't understand them... It's hard to pronounce anything clearly when your mouth is full, which is why you don't eat and speak simultaneously.

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if dragonflies have purple toe nails, then how many pancakes does it take to build a doghouse? canada, because snakes don't have armpits!

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You know what me and Bill Cosby have in common? Katie..

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A dog walks into a bar, animal control is called and he is put down as he is suffering from rabies.

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whats wrose than slipping on a banana? Getting Shot in the face.

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You Know what worse than having 10 Kids? Having Eleven

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wat does say to another bird....... chirp chirp

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because he saw a Vladimir Putin.

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why did the monkey cross the road? it escaped from a local zoo a block away

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A boy is eating with his family. A man in the next booth tells him "You are very handsome and you will be a movie star when you grow up." Then the man leaves. On the way out, the boy's mom says "You know he was drunk, right?"

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Fine Nero, but I will be keeping an eye on you.

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Knock Knock! whos there? Me! I kill you!

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What does a dyslexic person do on sundays? Goes to church to pray to Dog

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What did michael jackson say to the boys he touched? Nothing. Hes dead

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What do you say to a black man in the morning? Good morning

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What do you get when you cross an elephant with a giraffe? A really f*cked up hybrid.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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