what does a blue watermelon and a cactus that looks like a penis have in common? orange ya glad i didn't say banana!

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An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They have a few drinks, then go to a club, where they amuse each other and those around them by completely slurring their words in their already very strong regional accents. Then they get a taxi back to the house of the Englishman as he lives nearest, and stay the night. The next morning, the Scotsman and the Irishmen walk home as they are still hungover and do not wish to risk driving.

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if you are what you eat then you're a hamburger

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What will you be doing right before you die? ... ... living.

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What is worse than getting a 30% on a test? Getting a 29% on a test.

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How do you kill a blonde woman? Stab her in the stomach so all the acidic contents of her stomach slowly burn her flesh.

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A woman walks up to her man and asks him to take out the trash. He agrees and takes the trash out.

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im gay because im gay

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Why did the koala bear fall out of the tree? Because it's dead.

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Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It didn't, a cookie is a food, therefore it doesn't have working organs.

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Your mama's so old that typical places of business grant her the senior citizen discount.

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Your mother is so fat the she is clinically obese.

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How do you make a man sad? By drowning him in a Bede.

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who wins a race a white guy or a black guy? depends who's faster

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What did George W. Bush say to his wife when he got home? I'm home.

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How do you kill a blonde? A gun, knife, there are a number of ways really...

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Two colleague janitors sit next to each other in the coffee room, one says to the other: About yesterday... I checked three times and it looks pretty normal. Sorry... I wasn't around to hear the question the other posed the day before, but I heard it's supposed to be pretty funny with this answer. So... Less is better then none, right?

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A black walks into a bar Because it is still around the time of segregation, they don't serve colored people

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Drunk guy... Hey i just maybe And this is number But here's my crazy So call me met you

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How's a raven like a writing desk. you really are alice.

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A 65 year old man is tired with his life. He begins to realize that it is meaningless to him. He wants no part in the world anymore so he decided to commit suicide. On his way to commit suicide, he comes across a magical man that has an extraordinary offer. This magical man has offered to grant the 65 year old man the power to fly. The 65 year old man, accepts the offer in great interest, but the magical man wants something in return for his deed. The 65 year old man, offers all the money in his wallet to the magical man. The magical man accepts his offer of all the money and continues. With a flick of the wrist, the magical man says, "fly, fly, high as the sky, i grant this man the ability to fly". The 65 year old man is greatly excited now that he has the ability to fly. He cant wait to try out his new power. He runs to the nearest cliff and jumps. Too bad the "magical man" was really a male prostitute that was broke and homeless. The 65 year old man died on impact and the male prostitue walked away with a wallet full of cash.

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Why did robin get in the batmobile? Batman told him to

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A man walks into a McDonald's and proceeds to buy a burger, unfortunately a man was robbing the fast food restaurant, what did the man do. Buy a burger

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Why did the dog cross the road? He was on a walk with his owner so they used a crosswalk to safely get back home.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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