A man walks into a bar and says "Hi everybody, it's me!" So everybody turns round. But it wasn't him.

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Why did the dog cross the road? He was on a walk with his owner so they used a crosswalk to safely get back home.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms.

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What's brown and sticky? Poop.

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What's green and invisible? This cabbage

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Why did the man walk into the bar? He wast thirsty.

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What to you do when a monkey walks into your bar? Quietly escort it out and into the nearest zoo.

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How do you get a black guy out of a tree? Just call the fire department, they're trained for that kind of stuff

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Why did the girl fall off the couch? She had a seizure.

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What's 2+2? It's certainly not 1.

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A priest and a rabbi are playing golf one weekend. The priest tees off first. When the rabbi steps up to tee off, it begins to rain heavily. Dismayed, the rabbi says, "I thought it there was only a 10% chance of rain today."

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Why does a black man break into a car? Because he had closed the windows and locked his keys inside.

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Why did the old lady start crying? Because her daughter was raped and killed.

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How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her? They sent her to her room.

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Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 is a registered sex offender.

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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What's black, and hangs from trees in my backyard? Blackberries

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a black guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "get out of here, whites only" this joke takes place in the 1950's when african americans were discriminated against

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A little boy asked his mom what fucking was, so she showed him.

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Q: why did the girl fall off the swing?? A: because she had no arms or legs.

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A monkey enters a bar and climbs up on a stool. The bartender asks, "What'll ya have, pal?" The monkey, who can niether speak nor understand English, appears slightly perplexed.

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when i walk in the living room this is what i see... Luci's big eyes are stairing at me! (Luci is a dog) (Pita is a cat) I start a hissing and a scratchin and i ain't affrid to bite her, bite her, bite her, I"M PITA AND I KNOW IT!!!

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A sheep goes up to to a horse and asks "Does you speak sheep?".The horse replies ''Neigh''.

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SNAPPLE!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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