Two peanuts walked into a bar... One was a salted.

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Why did Gary's cat fall from the tree? He didn't use enough gaffa tape.

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? The answer is not definitive and involves several factors including the size of the woodchuck, the woodchuck's teeth, the climate in which that woodchuck lives, and the tenacity of that particular woodchuck at achieving his goal.

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Why did the little girl fall off of the swing? Because she has no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not her.

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whats green and smells like red paint? green paint

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3 out of 5 smokers die And apparently the other 2 become immortal

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Matt is a Duster!

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A: What do you call a deer with no eyes? A: I got NoEyeDeer!!!

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Someone stopped playing Skyrim.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have no idea how to rhyme, I like tacos

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You are being like super pervert now, I would never ever even try weed, cocaine is the real deal, you know I do not mean that. Anyway does it work on everyone?

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How to confuse a dumbass: see previous post.

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Why was little Johnny sad? His parents were killed in an awful fire

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How do you keep kids off your lawn? You molest them.

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Why didnt jimmy go to school? He had a hangover

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What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin mobile XD

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What does Helen Keller's parents do when she gets in trouble? They leave the plunger in the toilet!!!

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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*Knock knock* Who's there? No one answers so the man opens the door and gets stabbed 7 times in the chest

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Yo Mama so stupid because she's been addicted to marijuana since she was a teenager, and has lost many brain cells. Resulting in her forgetting simple things like your birthday, her own name, etc. She has also developed lung cancer. She's predicted to die in two months if she continues to smoke as she does now.

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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. I don't know, I've had a bad day, I can't think straight. Why do you keep asking me these questions? Always talking at me, everyday it's the same - why can't you just shut up?! I would be better off dead, then it would stop, this suffocating blackness. I need to escape...I'm going to do it tonight...pills, something like that...I don't care any longer. Goodbye.

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Some people devote their life to talking in their head. Jesus christ.

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Haikus are easy, But sometimes they don't make sense. Not the case here, though.

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Are you one of those gay rapists that flame around telling people no all the time?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops