What did the homeless man get for Christmas?... A warm meal, a shower, and a place to sleep courtesy of the local homeless unit.

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What do you do if there's a rabid elephant chasing behind you, a vicious jaguar to your right, a rearing horse to your left, and a bloodthirsty lion in front of you? Innoculate yourself with a rabies vaccine, prod the jaguar on the nose with a stick (they hate that and will probably flee as a result), speak softly and calmly to the horse and encourage the lion to go for the elephant instead of you. You will probably still die as a combined result of mauling and trampling, and it's unlikely that you'll have two rabies vaccines to hand by chance for such situations, but your chances of survival will be minimally improved.

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What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it's a grape and therefore unable to speak.

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What happened to the man who had the most loving parents and family when he was born, had an amazing childhood which he shared with so many good friends, was loved everywhere, helped the poor, started a fundraiser for starving kids in africa, got a college education, helped a complete stranger get off his drug addiction, married a beautiful woman, bought a nice house and had 3 children who he loved dearly and spent time with as much as he possibly could, tucked them in every night and enjoyed every second of his life as if it was his last? He died.

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A giraffe walks into a bar.... just kidding, a giraffe wouldnt fit in a bar.

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GONNA

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what happens when a white guy goes to harlem he gets robbed by 5 to 10 black men

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You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose... But you cannot be a dinosaur!

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Why did little Suzy fall of the Swing? Someone threw a fridge at her.

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What's brown and sticky? A stick

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Why are anti jokes not funny.... Because they make sense.

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Mitt Romney

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Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, No Professionals."

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Think of a number between 0 and 2 That's how many times you're going to die in this life

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Whats wrong with that Nothing

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Why did the black man almost go to jail? He rolled a 6 in monopoly, if it was a 7, he would've been sent straight to jail without passing "go"

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a man walks in to a bar. he says oww.

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Your mum is so overweight, she is at risk of heart disease, I highly recommend she visits her GP.

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What's black and has ne education? A tire.

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Why did the blond fail her math test? Because she got all the questions wrong.

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How is a fat girl like a tiny motorcycle? She isn't, and you should be ashamed of yourself for even thinking how she might be.

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Why was Harry arrested? Because he stabbed multiple children.

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Sometimes I fantasize about having sexual relations with Oprah Winfrey. Sometimes I don't.

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Grandma got ran over by a reindeer. She died

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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