Q: What's green has four legs and would kill you if it fell off a roof and hit you? A: A pool table.

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a shed? A: Considering babies are incapable of rational thought it is unlikely they would understand how to employ the correct method to paint.

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What did Pittsburgh say to Philadelphia? .........Lightbulb.........

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse says, "I have cancer."

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How do you get a small girl of a swing ? Throw a fridge at her

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Sometimes I light my hair on fire and pretend I'm a candle.

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Why did the little girl fall off of the swing? She had previously been in a car accident, in which all of her close family died and she was the only survivor. Since both her arms were stuck in between crushed components of the car, they had to be amputated on the spot. She was testing out the prosthetic arms she had been given when they failed, causing her to get a concussion, and putting her in a coma for the rest of her life.

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A rabbi, a nun, a priest, a hooker, a stripper, 2 secret servicemen, a teacher, a midget, a ginger, a rodeo clown, a nascar driver, a homosexual native american, a heterosexual native american, 2 portuguese tuba players, an african american taxi driver, a blind man, his seeing eye dog, a bartender, 2 minor league baseball players, 3 lesbian mexican salsa dance instructors and a dwarf are all in a bar. They all had a good time and the teacher and one ol the portuguese tuba players ended up becoming facebook friends.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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Pickup Line: Hay girl is that a mirror in your pants. Becuase I can see me in it.

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Caitlyn.

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Why can't black people swim? Because most African American individuals grow up in inner urban cities where they have little or no access to swimming facilities.

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There's an American, an African, and a Chinese walking down the street. Because the bar is down there.

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Three a man is trapped on a desert island and a genie offers to grant him one wish. The man accepts the existence of the genie and then wishes for unlimited wishes for the rest of his life. The man takes over the world.

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Why can't Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle? Because no human can.

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What does Rubens Barrichelo does with his F1 championship trophies? He never got one.

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Why are plants green? Plants are green due to the chloroplast organelles found in their cells. These membrane bound organelles are exclusive to plant cells and are used to convert sun light to usable chemical energy. This energy is stored in the form of ATP molecules, or adenosine triphosphate. When one of the three phosphate groups of an ATP molecule is removed, the molecule releases the energy put into this bond and becomes ADP, or adenosine diphosphate. Throughout this process, the organelle fulfills its sole function and at the same time gives plants their green color our eyes perceive today.

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Your moma's so fat, she's got type 2 diabetes

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Why do undertakers wear ties? Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

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Why did the postal worker go to work? Because he has to support his family so they do not starve like his dog.

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if a bra is called a over the shoulder boulder holder what is male underware called sincerly, under the butt nut hut

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Why did robin get in the batmobile? Batman told him to

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There was a mexican man and a chinese man, They walked into a bomb shop and bought three bombs, then left.

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i like cats

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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