Why did the Chicken cross the road? Because it thought that it would somehow increase its chances of survival.

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Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar And doesn't

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A black man walks into a store with a gun. He is a policeman bringing in a murder weapon as part of his investigation.

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womens rights.

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Why did the alcoholic stumble into a bar? Because he was bleeding profusely and was desperately seeking a telephone to contact the nearest hospital.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? So he could walk into the mall and kill hundreds of innocent lives and leave thousands wounded.

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What did the giraffe say to the human? Nothing, but it was trying to alert the human of an oncoming bus.

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Yo mama is so fat she probably has diabetes, poor circulation in her extremities, and cannot ride anything at Disney World.

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What is green and had wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.....

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Did you hear about Osama Bin Laden? Well, he's dead.

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Two men walked into a bar. I'm surprised the second man did not duck out of the way.

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How did the man with no legs get around? He was assisted by a nurse or relative who was kind enough to take on such a task.

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what do you call a cat with no tail? smithers.

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A priest and a police officer are sitting at a bar. They both have considerable drinking problems because problems unrelated to their respective occupations. The bartender's name is Mike.

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A boy with cancer decides to go skydiving for his 18th bithday. Unfortunately, his parchute doesn't work & he dies before he hits the ground.

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How do you drown a blonde? Well there are a few ways, including holding her head underwater until she passes out and then leaving her in the pool.

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How did Jane fall off the swing? Jane had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Jane.

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Why did the waiter lose his job? Because he was a fish

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How does a person put an elephant in a closet? First they have to open the door, then put the elephant in and close the door. That was easy well how does a person put a giraffe in. You probably said open the door and put the giraffe in and close the door. Well you missed a step first you have to take the elephant out then you can put in the giraffe. Well both animals are to big to fit in a closet so you can't put them in and also the person who put the animals in is schizophrenic and the animals are fake so if you believed that you could fit them in there you might be delusional.

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Why did the farmer's wife leave the farm? Because she was a lesbian.

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Lil' Wayne

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What did Hitler get for Christmas? Some shoelaces for his shoes so he could tie his little knotsies.

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What did the fat guy say after his weight-reduction surgery? I'm gonna sue the clown pants out of McDonalds

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Q: If you are running a race and a fridge hits you, how many dogs play x-box in the snow? A: 12 orange waffles

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops