What do you do if there's a rabid elephant chasing behind you, a vicious jaguar to your right, a rearing horse to your left, and a bloodthirsty lion in front of you? Innoculate yourself with a rabies vaccine, prod the jaguar on the nose with a stick (they hate that and will probably flee as a result), speak softly and calmly to the horse and encourage the lion to go for the elephant instead of you. You will probably still die as a combined result of mauling and trampling, and it's unlikely that you'll have two rabies vaccines to hand by chance for such situations, but your chances of survival will be minimally improved.

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because it's in a chicken coop.

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My friend Edward found a worm in his apple. Edward happened to be a lemur. Lemurs eat both plants and worms, so he ate them both.

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Why shouldn't you worry about having a baby? Because with all these jokes, babies aren't even going to be around anymore. "What's funnier than a dead baby?" "A dead baby in a clown costume"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To make it home in time for Thanksgiving.

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Lucas talks to mom she says hi

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What was the joke about that woman with altsimers again? Ironically I forgot.

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Q: What did Hitler say to the Rabbi? A: I don't like you.

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What smells like old people and is white? Talcum Powder.

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Your mother lives so loosely that she has several terminal diseases and only has 3 weeks to live.

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What did the virgin say to the car salesmen? Hello, I'm really interested in buying a car today.

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Aaaaakkkkkiiiiiinnnnfffffeeeeennnnnwwwwaaaa

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Whats wrong with that Nothing

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What do you call a black guy driving a plane? A co-pilot

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Crowded elevator smell different to midget-Confucius say.

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How do you get 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender. How do you get them out again? With Doritos.

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Knock. Knock. Who's there? Alzheimer. Who?

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What did the hispanic man say to the black man? I don't know, if I was listening to their conversation, the would be creepy.

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Roses are red Violets are blue That's what they tell me Because I'm blind

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Why wasn't Jesus born in Poland? Because if he's an actual historical figure he would have been born in modern day Palestine.

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what did the white car look like... a black car but the color is different

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How do you survive a tornado? You dont.

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How does Ron Weasley greet Harry in the morning? Mornin' Horry, how did ghe' sleep?

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A black man walks into an all white bar. He was escorted out, ten months later he died of a heart attack

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops