How could you wake up Lady Gaga? poke her face

One day, an Irishman, a Jew and an American were walking home from a long game of golf. "God, that was a long game" said the American, to which the Irishman replied "aye, that it was." The Irishman then turned to the Jew, and asked him how he managed to get two birdies in succession. The Jew, after a moment of deliberation, began to explain. "Well, it all began when I was six. See, there was a mountain right next to Casparia, the village I lived for most of my life back in Wales. Every day, I'd come back from school, and ask my dad why nobody ever attempted to scale the mountain. 'To do so would be an unnecessary risk, son, and people are too busy working to put food and water on the tables for their families to undertake something so foolish.' One night, when insomnia was getting the better of me, I decided to get a better look at the mountain, so I strapped on my boots, my fur coat and some woolly mittens and left for the mountain. After a few hours of walking, I approached the closest hill which gave me a perfect view of the mountain's first peak, and there I spotted a polar bear, mauling a hiker to death." The Jew paused to check the Irishman and the American were following, when the American spoke up; "hold on there, there aren't any polar bears in Casparia!" The Irishman also spoke up; "there isn't even a village called Casparia, well, anywhere!" The Jew smiled slightly, and a few seconds later the smile broke out into a gigantic grin, and he finally replied: "exactly".

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Why did the kid have no arms? A clown came and chopped them off.

If you peel my skin off, I won't cry, but you will. What am I? A human being with a high pain threshold.

A man walks into a bar, sits down and the bartender comes over and asks him what he wants to drink. The man replies, "Carrot Juice."

A seal walks into a club.

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SPONGEBO... nope bin laden

My mom says to me are you gay and i say are you gay (What did i just do)

Want to hear a joke? ... Oh dear, I can't think of any. Golly, this is embarrassing.

Whats better than winning gold in the special olympics? Not being retarded.

why did the black man attend the AA meeting? his wife told him the only way she would stay with him is if he would attend these meetings, he was an alcoholic and is dying of liver failure.

What does a Jew do when he finds money on the street? He picks it up and is probably happy it was there.

what does a granny look best in? 1950

Q: why does batman die in the end of dark night rises? A: he smoked got cancer and died.

How can you tell if a duck is sleeping? Look at its eyes.

What do you call this? A sentence in English.

This is Heading 1

Have you heard of the mute man that kept telling people he could not talk? Its funny because its true.

What did Thisara say? You cant see me bich

How many Caucasian American males does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One.

How do you sneak Jews across the border? In an ashtray.

Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? No Neither did she

A man walks into a bar and gets drunk. He then goes home and proceeds beating his many wives in a drunken fit of rage.