Found out my dad was gay the other day. Now I have to take him to dance clubs, take him to musicals and find the man who gave birth to me.

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Why didn't the woman make sandwiches? She was making baguettes.

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A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

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(Pretend that your adopted, and no one loves you) Knock Knock Who's there? Not your parents.

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What did the runner say after he ran 10 miles? I just ran 10 miles.

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Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours? A: Because she was dead.

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What do you call a baby that fell in lava Dead

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You know what's catchy? A cold

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Your momma;s so fat she stepped on the scale and said one at a time please!

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Where do you find a baby with no arms or legs? Where you left it.

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What's the best way to toss a salad? With a salad spinner from the home shopping network.

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Why did the cat bite its owner's? Because the owner had been dead for several days and the cat was locked in the house with nothing else to eat.

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How do you get really high at home? You climb a ladder

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed.

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Why did the clown get in the car? Because he can.

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what is similar between a mexican and a bench? they are both illeageal. except the bench

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What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre.

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What do you call a sheep with big teeth? Mitch

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Why did the boy fail his math test? Because his Mother threw a refrigerator at him.

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roses are red and have big balls woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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How many cops does it take to change a lightb- [Beaten to death by cops]

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How many Lepers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? People with leprosy should not be doing general house keeping.

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Did you hear about the kid-napping in Minnesota? He woke up

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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