What's similar between a boat and a plane? Both can fly except for the boat

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Did you hear about the Pole who studied for 5 days?

thumb_up thumb_down -49

A elementary school child was waiting at the bus stop for the bus to come. All of the sudden, the bus comes around the corner, pulls up, stops and he gets in.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

A man hits a woman while driving. Whose fault is it? The mas. He was out drinking that night and shouldn't have gotten in his car in the first place.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Your parents are dead, and so will you.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

What's better than winning the special Olympics? Not being retarded.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

What is worse then finding a worm in your apple!? Getting raped!

thumb_up thumb_down +54

How is an orange like an airplane? They both have wings except an orange doesn't have wings

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Why did the man buy Trojan for his women? It's condom curtsey.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

I died shortly after writing this.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

What is small and gives people courage? Certain kinds of illegal drugs

thumb_up thumb_down +50

A bear and a rabbit are walking i n the woods until they spot a magic genie. The bear mauls the rabbit because it is the rabbit's natural predator and is indifferent to the genie because it has no prior education on persian mythology.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Okay, but cut me some slack here, its not as straight forward as it sounds, I got at least twice as many active synapses as other people do, that means twice the thought process, in video games I can for example remember twice the commands, and such. Sadly this does not mean that I can think twice as fast or twice as smart, but rather that I do so involuntarily in short spans, until I burn myself out. So be a bit nice to me, when I say that I have since I was a kid used about 2.5-7.5 mg valium, this is just because my thought process works so fast I burn out because well, I got the processor, but it burns out, excuse me my wife needs some help with her cellphone, see you soon

thumb_up thumb_down +46

What's the deal with airplane food? Why don't they serve it as a complimentary part of the flight anymore?

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Sarah went to church one day and went into the confession booth with her pastor. He made sure nobody was in the church, and proceeded to allow her to confess. He didn't molest her. However, when Sarah got home her abusive stepfather beat her to death in an alcoholic rage and shot himself. It was on the news.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

What did the poor family eat for thanksgiving? Food

thumb_up thumb_down +44

No, we are all different, none of us are the same, you however, have no match, your ability to think influence and inspire even today, is unmatched. It is he who is unmatched, who stands alone.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

There's two bears in the shower. One bear says "pass the soap". The other bear says "no soap. Radio".

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Knock Knock Who's there? Your real father. I left you when you were a month old and I have regretted the decision ever since. I would like to be a part of your life.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

What do you call a black man who goes to college? A scholar.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

A man walk into a bar he buys a few drinks. When he is done the bar tender gives him his check. Man told the bar tender he has no money to pay for it. Bartender says," ok how about this we have a horse in the back that hasn't laughed a day in his life if you can make him laugh you get the drinks for free." so man proceeds to do so. A few minutes later man comes out horse is dying. So the man gets his drink for free. A few days later man comes back with the same deal. So the bartender tells him" that horse hasn't stopped laughing since you went back there. If you can make him stop you get your drinks for free." Man goes in a few minutes later comes out horse is crying. Man man is remarked by how he did it but he doesn't question it. A few days past the man comes back an the horse is still crying...... So the bartender ask the man how he did..... Man says," first I told him I had a bigger dick then him....second time I proved it"

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Why did the Mexican jump the fence? Because he didn't feel like walking around the house to the side where the gate was to get out of the backyard

thumb_up thumb_down +42

What's the best way to get gum out of your hair? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Life gave me onions. Onionaide Sucks

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops