What do you give a sick bird? First-Aid tweetment.

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How many worms dose it take to eat an apple? One.

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What do you call a man who writes anti-jokes? Rhys, because that is my name. thank you

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How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question; feminists can't change anything.

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Knock Knock? Who's their. M. M who? Me.

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What is the oppisite of water? Dry!

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Why was the construction worker crying? Because do to the failing economy, he was recently let go from his job, and he is mortified by the idea of being unable to find work and ending up homeless and unable to fend for his family.

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Why couldn't Jimmy drive the tractor? Because he has no arms or legs. Why doesn't he have any arms or legs? Because he is a potato.

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When Chuck Norris runs, he doesn't even move a muscle.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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How many hamburgers can a grizzly bear eat? Maybe 6.

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How do you avoid being hit with a toaster? You don't walk past the man hitting you with a toaster.

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Dont look at me.

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So theres a priest, a rabbi, and an athiest on a cliff. They all remark at the beautiful view and take plenty of pictures with their respected families.

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Yo mamma's so fat, she died of diabeties and we all mourn her loss.

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Sometimes, people ask me, "Do you always have to be so obnoxious?" And to that I reply, "I don't always, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis." Stay thirsty, my friends.

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A blonde, brunette, and a red head were walking on the side of the road and a fridge landed on them and they died. At least they still could go to their funerals.

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What do u call a black polar bear? A black bear

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he had already looked both ways and there was no traffic.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a piece of coal? The coal doesn't scream when you burn it.

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So i was thinking of going to japan for spring break. I've heard they have some awesome swells.

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why did the asian go to the bar?? i dont know you tell me.

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A man walks into a restaurant and orders a rare steak. Soon after, he gets food poisoning.

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What did the homeless war veteran get for christmas? Nothing because we don't treat our veterans very well.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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