Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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you know somebody is lying when it IS opposite day.

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How do you avoid being hit with a toaster? You don't walk past the man hitting you with a toaster.

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I grew up, if we cannot live for ourselves, we cannot live for others, remember how people admired us when in their presence, while mocking us behind our backs, most humans do nor respect those that do not rule with lies, false promises, all backed up by an army no amount of civilians can defeat. We lost because people got what they wanted, preferring false promises from all ranging from their Gods, to their politicians speaking about their Gods, promises of betterment as a result of war in the name of Gods, but we are not that people. The problem is, that I used to believe that all of humanity possessed the potential people you and I have, and realize now that when I began looking down at people, I began looking down at myself, considering us all equal to them. Red, we might be few, but we are worth far more than those we consider our equals, maybe it is time even we, sought to rule those that desire to be ruled, rather than to help them find their desired path, because their desired path, might always have been to be ruled.

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Why Does God Hate Gays? He Doesent, God Does Not Exist.

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Why did the football player go to the bank? He had to make a deposit and refinance his home.

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what do you get when you combine fire and water? alcohol

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4 is half the number 8 is.

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A horse walks into a bar the barkeeper asks 'Why the long face?' The horse, incapable of speaking English, walked around in a circle, excreated and left.

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A black man walked into a bar. Had a drink, and left.

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What's the difference between a black man and a large pizza One is an ethnicity derived from Africa and One is an Italian dish that is well'ly known in all four corners of the world.

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Why does Shaun's dad beat him? Because Shaun is an asshole.

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Yo mamma's so fat, she died of diabeties and we all mourn her loss.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Wheres my tractor? -Cody Williams

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Anyone reading this I'm not writing anything Kevin

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A man walks in to a wooden door. He's blind.

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Why couldn't Jimmy drive the tractor? Because he has no arms or legs. Why doesn't he have any arms or legs? Because he is a potato.

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Why did Suzy's neck hurt? Because it was broken

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Why does your mom not love you.... Because she is not your real mom.

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Whats blue and fuzzy? blue fuzz.

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How many licks does it take for a pedophile to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? Given a simple random sample of pedophiles, they will most likely have the same statistical standard normal distribution of tongue sizes and saliva efficacy as any other part of the population. Therefore, that question in regards to the tongues of pedophiles is irrelevant and remains unanswered.

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Why did Uncle Monty shove his head up a horses arse? Because it gave Doris an erection. She chose to keep her male genital organs following her gender changing procedure, so that she could still father children.

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? Comfortably, four.

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Dont look at me.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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