How do you kill a blonde? Stab her repeatedly in the chest with a ball point pen

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A Polish man is walking down the street carrying a brown paper bag. He runs into one of his buddies, who asks, "Hey! What's in the bag?" The man tells his friend that he has some fish in the bag. His friend says, "Well, I'll make you a bet. If I can guess how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one." The man replies, "I'm sorry, my friend, but gambling is against my morals, especially when my family's only nutrition for the week is on the line."

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why was the man thought to be peculiar? Because he had sex with a pistachio.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Your mom is so fat, it is unlikely that she will be able to survive the month without experimental liposuction and heart surgery, and even then her outlook is bleak. I am so sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

an indian woman works at seven eleven. this is because her son has one leg and she needs to pay pay for all the medical needs.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What the small boy with no arms or legs get fro christmas???? cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +7

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? Depends. Some are vegetarians or vegans, while most eat a mixture of vegetables and meat.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the man fall down? Because he was pushed of a 5 story building

thumb_up thumb_down +7

i used to be gay. now i am bisexual.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

My two friends Larry and Paul are both race horses. They were getting ready for a big race to quolify them for the Kentucky durby. BANG! The race started! What. Close race! First it was Larry then Paul then Larry then Paul! And finally Larry came out and won it! Paul went to the winners circle and congratulated Larry. He said "hey great job Larry but next time after you come back from touring will you let me win?" Larry says "oh! Of course this couldn't get between us! We're like two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket. We're best friends"... So when he came back from touring Larry said it was great! And promised let Paul win. BANG the race started! It was Paul then Larry then Paul then Larry won again. Paul was a little mad that he he didn't win but he went to congratulate larry anyway. Larry said next time he was deffinetly going to let Paul win, because he wasn't gonna let this get between them because they are two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket, they are best friends. Then after Larry came back from touring he promised again he would let Paul win. BANG! The race started and it was Paul then Larry! Then Paul! Larry! Paul! Then larry won. Paul at this point furious went to the winners circle. He talked to Larry "Larry why didn't you let me win for the third time!? This is just your ego trying to win every time now!?" I didn't want them to fight so I chimed in "Larry, Paul! Please don't fight! Your two peas in a pod! Closer then bread in a basket! Your best friends!! You don't want to fight like this!" Larry turned to Paul and said "Hey look! A talking dog!"

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What is worse than the holocaust? World War III.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Moe: What's the difference between blue paint and red paint? Ben: I couldn't tell you, I'm blind. Moe was so embarrassed by his unintentional rudeness that he apologized to Ben and walked away.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What happened to the man who posted yet another repeated joke on anti joke? Nothing. He posted an old joke that everyone has seen a form of already.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? because she was SHITFACED!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why was the little boy screaming? He was going down a steep drop on a roller coaster.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's worse than opening your pantry door and finding nothing desirable to eat? Repeated high voltage electrical shocks to the anus.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Did y'all see Lafell catch that pass? Neither did I

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Whats so funny? Josh nash's face

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I hate it when people talk about concentration camps... my grandad died in one He fell off the guard tower

thumb_up thumb_down +7

osama is obame quincadence or aluminatti????

thumb_up thumb_down +7

You Wanna hear an anti joke? Womens rights

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What is something you would not normally find in a china cabinet? Japan

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops