Q: A man walked into a bar and said, "Ouch!" Why? A: The man walked into a METAL bar.

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Man goes to doctor, says he's depressed. The world is bleak and hopeless and life just isn't worth living. The doctor thinks for a second then smiles. "Treatment is simple he says, the great clown Pagliacci is in town. Go see him, that should pick you up." The man bursts into tears, sobs hysterically like a child, "But doctor," he says. "I am Pagliacci."

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How many types of pure breed dogs are there in the world? 701

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An astronaut and a cosmonaut are sitting in a bar, discussing who was better. The cosmonaut says, "We Russians were the first people in space!" The astronaut says, "That may be true, but we were the first to land on the moon my friend." The cosmonaut turns back to the astronaut and says, "Yes, but we shall be then first to ever land on the Sun!" So, the astronaut skeptically asks, "And how do you intend to do that?" The cosmonaut replies, "Simple.......we will go at night." Thank you to David Cross

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Why wouldn't joey pay attention in class? Because he was being raped by a grizzly bear.

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A dancer walks into a barre

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My wife asked me to prepare our son for his first day of school. He's a ginger so I punched him in the face, and stole his lunch money.

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A blond is on her way driving to the airport when she sees the sign "Airport left." She made a left turn and got to her flight on time.

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What did John say to Paul before they entered the car? "Paul, get in the car."

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"Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "I am." "Okay, come in."

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the other day i was walking down the street and saw a black man carrying a tv. i thought to myself, "hey that looks like mine!" but then i was like nawwwwwww, mine's at home...... shining my shoes -_-

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What's worse than breaking a leg? Breaking two legs.

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Is Barack Obama a dentist, a teacher, or the president of the United States? A dentist. He just happens to have the same name as the president.

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Knock Knock... Who's there? Nine... Nine who? Nine Eleven.

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What did Bob say at Fred's house? "I know where Fred lives."

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Why did the young girl fall off of the swing set? Because a man came up behind her and pushed her. He then picked her up, brought her home and fed her a nice three course meal and put her to bed. When she woke up she snuck out of the house and alerted the police.

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If life hands you melons. Your probably dyslectic.

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Yar! What be a pirate's favorite football team? The Steelers. I'm originally from Pittsburgh.

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A paralyzed person walks into a bar.

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A blind man walked into a bar. Quite literally.

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Roses are Black Violets are black I am colorblind, are you to?

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Dries Roelvink walks into a bar...

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what do you call a girl that just took 15 loads to her face? sasha grey.

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whats the same between a mouse and an elephant? They are both small except for the elephant

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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