what did the jew say to the other jew in WWII?..... "We're both going to die."

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if you write treehouse backwards it spells gullible.

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An astronaut and a cosmonaut are sitting in a bar, discussing who was better. The cosmonaut says, "We Russians were the first people in space!" The astronaut says, "That may be true, but we were the first to land on the moon my friend." The cosmonaut turns back to the astronaut and says, "Yes, but we shall be then first to ever land on the Sun!" So, the astronaut skeptically asks, "And how do you intend to do that?" The cosmonaut replies, "Simple.......we will go at night." Thank you to David Cross

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A red and blue penguin are taking showers. The red penguin can't find the soap so he yells down the hall to the blue penguin "Hey, where is my soap?" The blue penguin replies, "What do I look like a typewriter?"

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall? depends on how hard you throw them

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How did the failing slut get an A -she studied really hard

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johnny goes to the shops asks the lady at the counter, can i go home The Lady says ..... Buy one get one free

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A man sees another man standing at the edge of a tall bridge looking down. Man: Don't jump! No one wants you to die. You have your whole life to live and I'm sure you will find happiness somewhere. I was once in the same position as you, questioning if god really wanted me on this earth at all. But I decided to make something of myself and now I am a very successful business man. You can do the same if you just put your mind to it and put your troubles behind you. Other man: I was just admiring the view.

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So mind telling me why you wont call me? And why, you know... Are you avoiding this condition of yours?

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What is green and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

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roses are red violets are blue flowers come in many colors

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what do you call an octopus with 9 tentacles? a male octopus

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How Do You Solve A Impossible Math Question? You Dont. cause its impossible.

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sky silverstein

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The good part of "Age" of Ultron? THANOS REIGNS! Disagree? Just leave the green thumb and fuck off!

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If life hands you melons. Your probably dyslectic.

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Your mum is so ugly that i make jokes about how ugly she is

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How do Chinese parents name their children? With deep thought and consideration about a thoughtful, respectful and honorable name.

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why is pie good. because it just is.

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Why didn't the black man sit in the front of the bus Because he lives in a society where it is illegal and socially unacceptable for a person of African decent to sit in towards the front of the bus, near the driver, which is most commonly reserved for a person of European decent.

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What did the man think as the foul baseball flew rapidly toward his face? Oh man, I thought my tickets were to an NBA game.

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Why can't dinosaurs talk? Because they're all dead

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What's sweet and tastes like candy? Candy, now get in the van.

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Why are rich guys gay? Because they hang around other rich guys

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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