why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the sadistic farmer with a loaded shotgun (as the farmer has an extremely large score to settle with the chicken, as his wife was dead, a cause of mad cow disease, an STD from the chicken, as the chicken is a pimp) thus escaping captivity and starting a new life as a free chicken. God save Martin Luther KIng

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A criminal walks into a bar, and shoots the bartender and has his way with the waitress. Its his bar now.

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Milkman. Milkman who? I've been coming here for 14 years and you don't even know my name? I helped take your mother to the hospital for crying out loud! I held you in my arms as a baby! And you don't even have the decency to remember MY NAME?! I'm sorry I don't live in a house that allows milk and other groceries to be delivered, I'm sorry that I wasn't born into a nice family with a nice home! I'm sorry that I have had to come here EVERY WEEK FOR FOURTEEN YEARS and you can't even remember my NAME! My name! I left my family for christmas one year to go pick up that elmo doll for you when you were a kid! I saved you from that burning treehouse! I helped you with you're 3rd grade science fair project and you won! YOU WON! We took a picture together that i have kept in my wallet. And i proudly say here's me and timmy. ME AND TIMMY! TIMMY! But no...you don't need to know my name. Well good day sir. You shan't see me again.

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A man found a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie emerged from the lamp. The genie asked what his new master's wishes were. The man wished for asthma.

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how do you find a ghost? shoot yourself.

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Q:Whats worse than stubbing your toe? A: Watching a terrorist saw your dads arm off.

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Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

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Statistics show That people with the most birthdays Live the longest

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Knock knock. ... There was no reply because the resident was on holiday.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Hurricane Irene.

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What is white and fluffy? A cotton ball.

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Ryan Maharaj is INDIAN!

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What happened to the man who jumped off a building? He got hit by a bus on the way down.

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None of the sex jokes are not funny or not funny. They're just inappropriate.

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What's the difference in a big brother and a wee brother? Ones big, ones small.

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a group of teenagers are laughing at a boy around their age when on says "youre stupid" the boy then replies "i prefer the term Autistic"

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what's worse than a bee sting? 2 bee stings what's worse than 2 bee stings? the Holocaust. what's worse than the holocaust? 3 bee stings

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

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Looks like this is a *puts on sunglasses* Pair of sunglasses

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A man with a magic watch says to a prostitute, "My magic watch says you are wearing any underwear." "YOU HAVE MAGIC WATCH?! Can it tell time too??!!!"

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what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? i lost my tractor

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So you're floating down a river on a two story canoe. How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Four because snakes don't have legs.

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what do you do when your girlfriend gives you head while playing MW3? continue to play while politely asking her sister to make you a sandwhich

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What's the difference between a black man and a couch? One is a human being and one is a piece of furniture.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops