Ben Affleck

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Psychic wanted. You know where to apply.

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A pirate walks into a doctors office with ship's wheel attached to his crotch. Pirate: "Arrrrrr, do ya accept Kaiser Permanente?" Doctor: "Yes, but there's a $20 co-pay."

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how do you tune a piano, you dont, piano tuners tune a piano, I wasn't talking to you!

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was gonna write a really funny "anti-joke" about two dogs and some spagetti but decided instead to tell you about how hard my life is and how much i hate getting up in the morning and just keep you wondering about the spaggetti and the dogs while i kill myself and it all a sudden makes sense as the two dogs are eating my shattered brain that looks like spaggetti wich leaves me wondering , am i spelling spaggetti right?

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If life gives you melons, you have dyslexia.

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A man came home one day, drunk and feeling horny. He proceeded to the bedroom where he found his wife just getting into bed in a lace bra and sexy underwear. This turned him on even more so he cuddled up to her and whispered seductivly in her ear before kissing her neck. His wife was not in the mood for sex so she shot him

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What did the giraffe say to the walrus? Nothing. Giraffes can't talk. What did the Scotsman say to the walrus? Nothing. Scotsmen can't talk.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas? Nothing. His parents are dead and Santa doesn't exist.

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What is red and hangs around the back of a train? A miscarriage.

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What’s the best part about knowing things no one else does? Nothing. I’m schizophrenic and can’t afford medication.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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What did the mother say to her son? I have Leukemia.

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Where's the dick??? east

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What do you call a baby with no arms or legs? You call a lawyer, and be sure to have him ask the mother if she took Thalidomide during pregnancy.

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Q.What did the German say when he walked into the bar? A.Ich möchte ein Bier bitte. Das würde mich viel besser fühlen. Meine Frau ist gerade gestorben, weil ich sie zu Tode prügeln, und ich bin ein Alkoholiker.

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A squirrel walks up to a tree and says "I forgot to store my nuts for winter now I am dead". Ha! It's funny because the squirrel gets dead.

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What do you say to a man with no legs at a bus stop.. How you getting on.

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Why did the husband and wifes marriage fail? The husband slept with many other women and is putting his family through a hellacious situation.

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What happened to the black guy who got pulled over by the cops? He was told that his left tail light was out

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Knock, Knock Who's there It's me open up the D#### door it's me open up the D#### door, who? just open the door this is not a fricken knock knock joke.

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If a banana is a vegetable, how come your mother gets confused when I stick pretzels in my butthole?

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Yo mama is so fat when she went to the fat contest they said SORRY no pros alowed

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Why did the blond check your phone? AIDS

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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