what is the difference between my pubes and my actualy hair on my head.... my pubes didnt fall off when i went trough chemo

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I like my women like i like my coffee... with big titis

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Roses are blue Violets are red I shot your valentine Straight in the head

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Why did the clown go to the doctor? Because he had a malignant tumor on his liver.

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What's worse than the holocaust? Microwaveable jellied horse nipple

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How long can penguins hold their breath underwater? Long enough for you to eat a baby and then cover for it.

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It's raining, its pouring, the old man is snoring. He bumps his head, and is quickly rushed to the ER for serious head trauma

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knock knock who's there? the man the man who? the man who murdered your whole family

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What did the little boy with cancer get for christmas? Nothing. He was a jew. Jew's don't celebrate christmas.

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can't you hear that TOOT Ta TOOT TOOT, TOOT Ta TOOT TOOT flute (nicki minaj in a past life listening to a symphony)

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Q. how does james bond like his babies A.shaken not stirred but if u think thats bad wait till u see a stirred baby

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What do you call two lesbians in a canoe? Women.

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Dick Cheney That's the joke

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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What sound does a dead cat make? Nothing, it's dead.

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all the kids had fun

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What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

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why did the giraffe cross the road? because my dad and his "fishing buddies" are having another "meeting" in the basement. I hear weird noises, and I haven't seen my little sister in weeks, since the last "meeting." Dad said she went to a special camp for little girls. I hear horrible noises.

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A man sees another man standing at the edge of a tall bridge looking down. Man: Don't jump! No one wants you to die. You have your whole life to live and I'm sure you will find happiness somewhere. I was once in the same position as you, questioning if god really wanted me on this earth at all. But I decided to make something of myself and now I am a very successful business man. You can do the same if you just put your mind to it and put your troubles behind you. Other man: I was just admiring the view.

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Two hippies walk into a bar. They are both asked to leave because they are in violation of the 'no shoes, no service' policy.

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Q: What's worse than both of your parents dying in a terrible car accident? A: Sitting in the back seat with your grandparents.

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Yo momma so fat she should be concerned of contracting Coronary Heart Disease, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, abnormal blood fats, metabolic syndrome, cancer, osteoarthritis, sleep apnea, or even obesity hypoventilation syndrome

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Why'd the chicken cross the road? It needed excitement in its otherwise mundane lifestyle.

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops