A man came home one day, drunk and feeling horny. He proceeded to the bedroom where he found his wife just getting into bed in a lace bra and sexy underwear. This turned him on even more so he cuddled up to her and whispered seductivly in her ear before kissing her neck. His wife was not in the mood for sex so she shot him

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Where's the dick??? east

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What is red and hangs around the back of a train? A miscarriage.

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Why did the husband and wifes marriage fail? The husband slept with many other women and is putting his family through a hellacious situation.

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Knock, Knock Who's there It's me open up the D#### door it's me open up the D#### door, who? just open the door this is not a fricken knock knock joke.

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Q.What did the German say when he walked into the bar? A.Ich möchte ein Bier bitte. Das würde mich viel besser fühlen. Meine Frau ist gerade gestorben, weil ich sie zu Tode prügeln, und ich bin ein Alkoholiker.

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A squirrel walks up to a tree and says "I forgot to store my nuts for winter now I am dead". Ha! It's funny because the squirrel gets dead.

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Why did the blond check your phone? AIDS

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If a banana is a vegetable, how come your mother gets confused when I stick pretzels in my butthole?

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How many squirrels does it take to drive a refrigerator 10 quarts per elephant? Vanilla Cake

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Yo mama is so fat when she went to the fat contest they said SORRY no pros alowed

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What happened to the black guy who got pulled over by the cops? He was told that his left tail light was out

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What do you say to a man with no legs at a bus stop.. How you getting on.

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Q: What used to be black, and then became white, and touches young boys? A: Michael Jackson.

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A man walks into the doctor's office and says "Doc, I've been having the strangest dreams First I'm a tee pee, Then I'm a wigwam, a tee pee, a wigwam, a tee pee, a wigwam! What could be wrong with me?" The doctor looks at the man and says, "You have aids."

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Q: How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they are too weak to climb the ladder.

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A priest, a rabbi and a proctologist walk into a bar. Why is there a bar lying in the middle of the sidewalk?

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A mosquito flies into a bar and orders a bloody mary, the bartender then takes out a swatter and kills the pest. Noticing the event, the patrons cheer and continued drinking their frothy beverage. Minutes later, the phone rings and the bartender answers the phone. "Hello?" "Hi, I'm looking for a friend of mine, is he there?" "Let me check, by the way, what's his name?" "Jack Hoff" "One sec. HEY FELLAS(yelling over the noisy bar), IS THERE A JACK HOFF HERE? I NEED A JACK HOFF! ANYONE?" Mr. Hoff, sitting at the bar hears this and asks, "who is it?" "He said he's a friend of yours!" "Which one?" " He said his name's Dick Stroker and he needs help on something hardhe'll meet you around back." "Oh ok, thanks."

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Q: Why was the black man good at basketball? A: because he practiced

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How do you kill a dead baby? You can't, it's already dead.

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Two men walk into a bar...They are traveling together for a convention and like pub type bars and are excited to be there.

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I have a little dog. She likes being tossed high into the air. I need a new little dog as the last one was caught by a gust carrying here over the sound-dividing highway wall and dropped into traffic.

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A White guy invites his Black friends into his house, he says "Make yourself at home." THEY DO

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Q. How do you make time fly? A. It is highly impossible to make time fly for there is 24 hours in a day, 60 minutes in an hour, and 60 seconds in a minute so therefore the time flows how it should and we do not have such power to do it even though many people claim they do when they know they really don't

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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