im not food

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What's as hard as rock and as light as a feather? Any object in the space, once the lack of gravity makes atoms to have not weight, since mass x gravity equals to weight.

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Q: Why do some women insist they don't have penises or testicles? All humans have penises and testicles! A: These women have been brainwashed by feminism. It's quite sad, really.

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A woman walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Yes ma'am?". She orders a gin and tonic, but the bartender had gave her two without realising, and so she pays for one only. She starts to contemplate whether to tell the bartender about his error or to just leave it and have a free glass of gin and tonic. However as she is a christian, gluttony is a sin, and she already had enough to drink today. However, she feels the need to have a relaxing drink today, because as she was on her job as a receptionist, when a customer tripped on the last step of the stairs behind her and broke his neck, dying instantly, which deeply saddened her. This later led her to indulge on 3 glasses of red wine in the staff room. She finally concludes after a few moments pondering, to not tell the bartender about his error, and pampered herself with two relaxing glasses of gin and tonic. Her dead, mutilated body was later found in the rubble of a car after a head-on collision with a truck.

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Q: how many Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: two, one to hold the ladder securely and the other to screw in the lightbulb.

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Q: Why did the little girl fall off the swing? A: She didn't have any arms.

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Why did the elephant fall out of the tree? Because the branch broke.

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Q - What do you call a hamburger without pickles? A - You call it a hamburger just without the pickles.

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What did the little boy with no arms and legs get for his birthday? A baseball, bat, and a glove.

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Why did Piglet look in the toilet? He was probably fascinated by the flush.

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You can go out to eat without posting it on Facebook.

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you got Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift, and Reese Witherspoon. Which do you think is more succesful

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Why did the Jew pick up the dollar on the side of the road? Because he dropped it.

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What did the black man say to the asian man? hello.

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Roses are red. Violets are violet. Violet is a color already.

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knock knock whos there johovas witness O-0

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What is yellow and Bear Grills has drunk on National Television. ...Lemonade.

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What/s funnier than 24 dead Jews? 25 dead Jews. What/s funnier than 25 dead Jews? 6 million dead Jews. --ZeNaziGermanDoctor

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Penis.

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Why did Jimmy never like old people? Because he was abused as a child by one.

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why was the monster truck late to the rally.. because it had no driver

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? I don't know but you're a sick person even thinking about it.

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What is black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender!

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Bill Walters from across the street. How are we talking through a door?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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