What do you call an Oliver with friends? A dream

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What's clear, glass-like, and makes your brain feel like it's exploding just by smelling it? Crystal Meth

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A man is walking on the beach, he trips on a mystical lamp and dusts i off a little. turns out that it was just a lamp, he droped it back on the sand and was arrested for littering.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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What's red and the size of a packet of crisps? A Miscarriage

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Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock. Knock. Whos there? Not Sarah.

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A schizophrenic walks into a bar. He has dual personalities and does not realize that he has murdered his family.

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A man walks into a bar. He proceeds to begin his bartending shift.

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Q: whats big gray and cant swim A: a castle

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What do you call two black guys holding up a store? Really strong.

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Eating food: Ugh disgusting! Taking a dump later: THIS IS DELICIOUS! Man, you are doing it wrong... Waterworld was a pretty dry movie, I mean when are they gonna start making movies with a bit of wet humor for a change? SERIOUSLY BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY I AM NOT SERIOUS!

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knock knock Who's there? The Police! Your under arrest.

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Two gay guys walk into a bar. You think the second one would notice...

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What is red and has seven dents? Snow White's Cherry.

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whats worse than a dead baby two dead babies what could be worse than that? constapation

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A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

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I think I am done here friend, it always comes to this, it has always been easier for me to repair whatever is wrong with others and get my kicks out of that, as I know I can and will repair everything wrong with myself, but its hard as hell, I mean I never give up, ever. But that does not change the fact that I am broken, and that simply deciding that I am not, is far from enough, its a choice indeed, but its like deciding to constantly walk trough hell, and sometimes that hell is also called living, that too is always a choice, And believe me, I would never quit, I guess that if this hell I struggle trough has so many nice things in it, it just feels like hell at times. I mean the main motivation behind my ability to help others, has always been searching for answers low and high, and when what I have learned trough life helps others, but barely scratches the surface of the armor I am confined within, I lose hope, do you believe that my desire to help humanity grow, derived from my own incompetence at curing myself?

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whats black and has many friends? a kind sociable black person

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Knock knock ... *No ones home*

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How are a black man, a hispanic man, and a chinese man similar? Believe it or not they all love cantaloupe!

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What did the farmer say to the chicken? Nothing, speaking to a bird would have been considered highly irregular, bordering on insane. He left the bird alone, until the time came to slaughter the bird and take it's nutritious meat.

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Yo mama is so stupid that she is currently taking courses in a community college to get her degree in business so she can have a well-paying job.

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What did the blind man say to his best friend? All i see is darkness and i want to end my life

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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