Q: What's the worst part of 3 Mexicans dying in a car accident? A: They were my friends.

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What is makes you more happy to see than a dead baby? A dead baby dressed up as a clown.

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What is Santa's favorite color? Blue

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Q: Why was the man upset? A: He was kidnapped. Two cruel men tied him to a chair in an unknown location. This man was mistaken for someone who was planning to steal a big drug shipment. They beat him unmerciful, shocked him, and hit him in the head with a hammer, and threw him out in the street, with the belief of his death occurring. A driver stopped to help the man into the nearby hospital. The man was questioned about the physical appearance and whereabouts of these criminals. He remembered nothing, and sadly, they got away with this horrible crime.

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an englishman,scotsman,and irishman walk into a bar the englishman says " a pint of lager please" "that will be 10pounds , says the barman "Im not paying that , ill see you in court" says the englishman . The same thing happens , in turn to the scotsman, and irishman ,and a summons is issued. In court the jugde says "why are you charging drinks too dear?" the barman says "im not, im selling them to a englishman ,scotsman, and a irishman..

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Why did the black man buy watermellon? Because he was having a barbecue in his suburban neighborhood and he wanted some fruit.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got ran over by a car

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Your mom is so fat that she has type 2 diabetes.

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What happens when you divide by 0? Sadly, you don't.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He crossed the road to get to a podium. He then made a lond speech about how chickens should be able to cross a road with out having their motives questioned.

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why did the semen cross the road? i wore the wrong sock today.

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What do you do to vegetables to make them taste good? Nothing. They are still people, and they can't speak up for themselves.

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roses are blue, violets are red, im colorblind

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whats worse than getting no gifts for christmas? getting hit by a bus for christmas

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Yo mama is so dumb that she failed the SATs

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A slutty deer walks into a bar she then comes out and says wow i cant believe i blew 30 bucks

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Why did Mufasa miss his doctor's appointment? Because he was trampled to death by wildebeest

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Mitt Romney

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Why did Bob throw butter out the window, Because he is mentally retarded.

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roses are red and have big balls woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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Your mom is so dumb that all of society says she was poorly educated.

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what did the orange say to the other orange? we are both oranges.

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What's white and moves at a glacial pace? A glacier.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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