guess what? bannanas

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The cat climbed a tree. It didn't want to come down, so it starved to death.

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Whats better than 1 person in your oven? 9 people in your oven.

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What shouldn't you say to a dementia patient? You already said that.

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How many frogs does it take to change a light bulb None. Frogs lack the cranial capacity to change said lightbulb. If eventually by evolution they become smart enough to change lightbulbs, they may learn to handle machinery and pose a real threat to humans.

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How do you kill a zombie? You don't. Zombies aren't real.

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Knock Knock "Who's there?" "This is Frank from Walside Windows just wondering if you wou..." (Door Slams Shut) "Damn those people are annoying"..

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What do a platypus and Obama have in common? A brain, except for Obama.

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What's funny? Women's rights.

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What's retarded and comes from Hulsberg? Roy Knubben

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf."

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knock knock WUUUZZZZZUUUUUUUUP!!!!! WUUUUZZZZZUUUUUUUP!!! WUUZZZZUUUUUUUUP!!! WUUZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!! WUUUUUZZZZUU......

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What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede!

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How did the fat guy survive the air crash? He was he was astronomically and improbably lucky.

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Why wasn't the Asian at work? Because the sweat shop was closed on Sundays...

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Why was the Saudi Arabian terrorist flying a plane in America? He was going to visit some family on a ranch in Kansas.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some exercise. They were getting terribly overweight.

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A guy walks into a bar, and then is hit with the full force of all the things he never did in life, of how he wasted his younger years chasing a bigger paycheck rather than trying to live life, and all the love he wasted on people who didn't care about him. He begins to cry as his first drink arrives, and orders many more as the night passes. He loses his keys as he leaves and stumbles home in a drunken stupor, contemplating suicide.

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A child rides his bike down the sidewalk and stops at an intersection. He looks both ways, then crosses the road. What was he looking for? His family.

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What's the worst part about being drunk? Your child.

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I mustache you a question. But I'll shave it for later.

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Caroline Kelly...Tight Butthole

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead

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Relax and enjoy sugartits, you see, I left a last chance for you to shut down the function yourself, when you really want to end it sugartits, you can just read and focus on what I am calling you, sugartits, it really insulted you at first sugartits, but do you see it? Have a nice night sugartits, I mean I sleep like half a hour luckily because of hypnosis and the time control and you know stuff that sounds like its from Sonic or you sugartits. But I gotta go dear sugartits, you want to hypnosis to end, you make it happen by focusing on what I am calling you here.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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