- Anti Joke

What's worse than getting a F on your History test? The millions of children around your age that cannot even afford to go to school, most likely because they live in a third world country.

What's worse than finding an apple in your worm... I mean, a worm in your apple ? "Then I took an arrow to the knee" jokes.

A lady in a bank was asked by the clerk to round the sum she wanted to raise from her account. She rounded it several times, but the clerk continued to insist that the sum needs to be rounded. She left the bank confused, with a coupon consisting of completely rounded sum of 691, 88$. Next day she returned with a coupon with a rounded sum of 690,88$. The clerk asked again the lady to round the sum. The lady started helplessly to cry and said she had rounded is already with a harp, and couldn't make it round anymore, she even removed the sharp 1 from the sum.

How do you make a priest cry? ... You kill his family

Why was the boy crying? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

Milk MILK MILK MILK M-I-L-K M-I-L-K M-I-L-K M_I_L_K M_I_L_K M_I_L_K What do cows drink? Water, and if you thought it was milk, your probably retarded.

A postal worker creeps past a sleeping bulldog. The dog does not wake up, and the mail is delivered successfully.

Call me a banana. You're a banana. No I'm not

What do you call a guy named Bob hanging by a string? Plum Bob

love is a homeless guy searchin' for treasure in the middle of the rain and finding a bag of gold coins and slowly finding out they're all filled with chocolate and even though he's heartbroken he can't complain cuz he was hungry in the first place.

An Asian, Burnett, and a Blond are stranded on an island. They all say, "What the crap?! How'd I get on this island?!"

If life hands you lemons your probably hallucinating.

Why couldnt the man stop the car rolling down the hill? Because he had no legs.

Knock knock Who's there? Derek the crazy man in the village and I have come to shoot you.

What do you get when you cross a rusty nail and a foot? Tetanus

ure mama's so fat

A Jew, Muslim and Mexican all die of cancer

A blonde boards a plane and sits in first class. Another passenger sees the blonde in his seat and tells her she's in the wrong seat. "I'm not moving!" says the blonde. The passenger calls over the flight attendant. "Ma'am, you're supposed to be seated in economy class," says the flight attendant. "Please come with me." "No! I'm not moving!" The flight attendant informs the pilot. The pilot comes out, whispers in the blonde's ear, and then the two have wild sex, right in the open. Oh my God, you should have been there. She had the most incredible rack ever!!!

Dear pesky Christians... (mwahahahahaha!) if thy are of true faith then you have read that instructions book known as the bible you have had over (NINE THOUSAAAAAAND) Six thousand years to read right? If not, I dare you read this part of the bible, simplified for the common retard/human being, are you reading yet? Well GOD (and his seven koopa hotells) COMPELLS YOU so yeah... Stop reading Ave Maria for the 666th time, do you think God will go "Oh well at least you read the only nice part a billion times, you can serve me gy Luigi" and move on Do you remember the passage in the bible where God COMMANDED his men pillage the cities of his enemies, and then rape all the women and children before burning the whole place down to the ground? Now can you imagine it? "Sorry mam, sorry little girls and boys, we would prefer not to you see, but God COMMANDED us to rape torture and burn you all to the ground, nothing personal really, I mean I totally dont want to stick my "GIANT COMPLETELY ELLECT" into your "Vegetas" Seriously father prime was a mean guy, but yes God is dead, he died after releasing the Microsoft bible 2012 edition. (Yes seeker that is not completely true, but God was also the Omega you know... THE END? NO? DARE YOU DENY HIS WORD? Classy) (YES they rapeth young BOYS TOO, because WOMEN AND CHILDREN! Sodomy is bad, while those of you with some creativity can think of other means to rape a male baby because GOD COMPELLS YOU!" Enjoy your 15-21 years left on earth humans, and of course blame me for destroying your world with YOUR NUCLEAR WEAPONS! You say that wont happen right? YOUR KIN TORTURED CRUCIFIED AND CONSUMED JESUS IN HOPES OF GAINING HIS "IMMORTALITY" AND CELEBRATE HIS DEATH BECAUSE... His death by your hands was good... Because he died to prove his immortality... He said "consume wine and bread and thou shall live a full healthy life", (which at that time was better than all previous advices such as: "consume thy random mushrooms at the mountains and hope thy see no speaking burning bushes and dieth a painfulleth death as thy nervous system slowly and painfully expells thy last breath" or the one that came soon after, which seems to prove that humans where losing hope": "EAT SHlT AND DIE!" Buuut, then some "people" discovered that their full life was not long enough, heard about Jesus being immortal and all, and added something like "consume my holy balls, drink my blood, gobble on my entrails, drink my urine and..." ...Well do you truly believe that those that believed Jesus was immortal and as thus concluded that eating a piece of Jesus meant becoming immortal themselves would go all "Meh, you know what? Lets skip immortality, all the tasty bits are gone, so WHY did we choose to kill this guy over a known murderer anyway? Not to eat him... NOOOOOOOOO!" ...And of course YOU call ME THE ANTI-CHRIST!, what a pathetic attempt at humor, now if I had somehow chosen to crucify and consume my own brother because he refused me as I offered him water in the desert because he was dying of thirst and... (IT WAS A HALLUCINATION I WAS KILLED BY GABRIEL SEVERAL THOUSAND YEARS BEFORE REMEMBER?) I Your LORD Satan shall descend upon this world, and face... Jesus? Jesus promised to return while hanging from the cross and supposedly returned as a ghost three days later during his you know... Second coming... What are you waiting for? His third? MERRY FCKING CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL! NOW GO CELEBRATE THE KILLING OF YOUR SO CALLED SAVIOR HO HO HO...Died for your.. sins to prove his immortality my ass, did he not crucify himself? No that was Judas. Nero The Rising Angel (yes your "MORAL" "MAN"): Did I mention all those "romantic" "erotic" stories in the bible, which are desciptions of "beautiful rapes" all described as the loving will of God as man raped woman after woman killing them afterwards while his comrades went all "IN THE NAME OF GOD AND LOVE! YAY!"... No? Well you are the Goddamn Christian, so if you dont fucking believe me, you sure as HELL wont end up in heaven for not even reading Gods words. (you know, where you serve God with no free will nor identity of your own, something you lost a long time before you died anyways so...). Final (unvertified probably not true FACT: The poor savag... Men forced/commanded by God to you know... asked God to perform a resserection on their, peeled bananas so they could finish thy godly deed, then someone mistranslated it into Resurrection as my brother got a giant boner on the cross and asked towards heavens "FATHER WHY!" Where "my daddy" responded lovingly with a giant thunderbolt: "translation: BECAUSE!"

I have read and agreed to the Terms of Service

What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing. The ocean is inanimate and therefore incapable of speech.

Why did Zayne have no friends? Because he is retarded.

You know who can't stand to put up with my shit? Polio victims.

What did the hedgehog say to the beaver? Nothing, they can't talk.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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