What is invisible and smells like carrots? The smell of Carrots. Pretty sure you can't see smells.

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A Duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'd like to buy some peanuts." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't sell peanuts." The duck turns around and leaves.

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Why did the kitchen cross the road?

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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I would rape her

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Why cant helen keller drive Because shes a woman

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An astronaut and a cosmonaut are sitting in a bar, discussing who was better. The cosmonaut says, "We Russians were the first people in space!" The astronaut says, "That may be true, but we were the first to land on the moon my friend." The cosmonaut turns back to the astronaut and says, "Yes, but we shall be then first to ever land on the Sun!" So, the astronaut skeptically asks, "And how do you intend to do that?" The cosmonaut replies, "Simple.......we will go at night." Thank you to David Cross

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Dance is a sport

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Why didn't Jimmy go to school? Because Jimmy is a brick wall.

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i may not know where you sleep. but, i spiked your drink with sleeping pills

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Why was the Jewish man sad? His wife was brutally murdered, His chilren raped, Parents stabbed horrifically and stuffed with turtles and the doctor just informed him that he had cancer and was due to die 17 minutes ago.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The pizza delivery guy. Oh hi.

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What is worst than a worm in your apple, the holocaust and everything else? Finding me in your bed (or your mother screaming "help please, no wait its too good I will endure the pain") Rather than Santa`s presents for X-mas. Your friendly Neighborhood and Future ONE AND ONLY EMPEROR R*pist Moral Man:: X-mas is a great way of putting it, after all it is your kind that X-ed Christ... ...As for your mother/sister/Infant/ screaming... Don`t worry, I will come for you too when I am done, it might take a while to violate someone to death though so be patient, because you might end up as a patient... Hahahaha! If you are really FUCKlNG LUCKY!

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What is brown and sticky. Hot chocolate.

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Why Was Did Jill Cross The Road? She Needed To Get To Work.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because you accent is really not hiding it

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Why was Sally crying because a flock Of seagulls just took a shit in her head

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have Alzheimer's, CHEESE ON TOAST

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AIDS

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hey

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I'm innocent its all Taggart he's the one instigating.

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Q: What do you get when you stand a blonde on her head? A: HORSE DICK

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If you're having Kony problems, I feel bad for you son. He's stolen 99 kids and your posters saved none.

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I just can't stand sitting down!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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