they call me the green lantern because my little sister died in chemical fire

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A zucchini is walking down the street, when he spots a cucumber club on his left hand side. Having nothing else to do he decides to walk in. When he walks into the club all of the cucumbers stop and stare at this strange being in their club. Finally, after having one too many drinks, one cucumber decides that this ridiculousness has gone on long enough and it is up to him to say something, so he goes up to the zucchini and says, "Hey buddy, what's your problem, clearly you are in a cucumber club and you're a zucchini." The zucchini just looks at him, puzzled, and responds " A cucumber club? I thought this was a ucumber club!!!!!"... It's funny because zucchinis are dyslexic.

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Did you hear about the black guy who went to college? No? Well, he graduated in 4 years with a degree in chemical engineering due to his diligence and good work ethic. He now has a well paying job that allows him to support his wife and two kids and to pay the mortgage on their large home.

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A man is flailing his arms in the ocean. Help me, I'm drowning!, he screams. Some dude runs into the water, drags the man out, and is proclaimed a Hero.

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What's worse than dying? Dying poor.

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What happened to the teacher? He taught his students.

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Two hunters walk in to the forest. They have a great time ending the lives of defenceless creatures. They go to their respective homes, eat a light dinner, and fall asleep in their beds.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a known serial killer.

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hot diggity dog

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whats yellow and cant swim? a bulldozer

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Hey Jay, did you here the one about the 3 hookers at the bar? Jay didn't reply because he was deaf

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What hurts people but doesn't? Child Birth. -Dave Papile

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Why can't you tell jokes in Base 8? Because 7, 10, 11

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Why was the kid mad? Because he died.

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Why was the boy kissing up to his parents? He only wanted them to say "I love you" for once.

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A man walks into a bar, and spends all his money because he is an alchoholic.

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What's long, hard, and filled with semen? A submarine

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A man walks into a bar and says he has a talking dog. He is then taken to a mental hospital and diagnosed with schizophrenia.

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What rhymes with Hitler? Walt Disney.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Oh wait i screwed up, Because of u

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How do you make a blonde stupid as hell. Give birth to it

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Why don't you play uno with Mexicans? Because they collect all the green cards.

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When did the War of 1812 begin? 1963.

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4 black men wearing ski masks and stripped jumpers kicked my door open and ran into my house knocking over and breaking things. They then realised this was not their friends house, apologised, paid for the damaged and left for the fancy dress party.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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