A bartender walks into the man and the bar said nothing because it was inanimate.

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Q: whats worse than a Muslim? A: a Jew

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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Who do you call when there is a ghost in your house? You should problably call the doctor, you may be hallucinating.

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all muslims get the fuck out of britain you fucks

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A brunette, redhead, and blond were on a road trip. Their car broke down in the middle of the desert. The redhead offered to get help down the road, but never returned. The blond and brunette walked the direction the redhead went, but died four days later of heat exhaustion.

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Why did the guy run out of the whorehouse? Because when she spread her legs it looked like she was pulling apart a grilled ham and cheese sandwich.

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Why didn't the boy get his sister a birthday present? Because it wasn't her birthday.

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Want to hear a joke? Jokes are not allowed on this site. Only anti-jokes.

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Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurries down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing a 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the window shouting to the firemen below. FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be able to catch you. LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here. FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him. LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby. Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let me have the bullhorn." JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco 49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living. Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby down to him. Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course. Jerry sees this and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area, fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby. The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch. So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two step and then spikes the baby. If you have any dead baby jokes that are not here, I want to hear from you. Email me your dead baby jokes at skitzopathik@hotmail.com and I'll add them to this page.

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Trees are red, Bushes are red, HOLY SHIT MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE!

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Roses are red Violets are red The trees are red Oh crap, the garden's on fire.

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how do you make money? you roba bank! :)

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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Unless you're paralyzed.

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What did one muffin say to the other muffin Holy shit a talking muffin

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What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A fossil.

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What's the difference between a freezer and a baby? A freezer doesn't scream when I pack my meat into it.

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Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito (from the Spanish or Portuguese word for little fly) is a common insect in the family Culicidae (from the Latin culex meaning midge or gnat). Mosquitoes resemble crane flies (family Tipulidae) and chironomid flies (family Chironomidae), with which they are sometimes confused by the casual observer. A blonde on the other hand is a Homo sapiens (Latin for knowing man), a primate species of mammal with a highly developed brain, belonging to the family of great apes, along with chimpanzees, bonobos, gorillas, and orangutans.

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What's faster than a Jew running after a penny? A car.

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why did summer hit the child because the child is jackson

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Why we in a Falln tank!!!? Be cause the plane exploded!!!!!!!

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What do you call a comedian who can;t make people laugh? A bad comedian.

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You know whats retarted? people with down syndrome.

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Why did sally break her arm? A piano fell on her

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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