A man walks into a bar and says "hey bartender wanna help me out!" The bartender says "no."

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What happens when you choke a smurf? Nothing, smurfs aren't real.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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What did the milk say to the oatmeal? I came from a cow nipple.

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? not having an apple to find a worm im

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How can you tell if your goldfish is male or female? Put some fishfood in the bowl, if he swims to the food it's a male, if she swims to the food it's a female.

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Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a ferrari? A: The dead baby was once alive, while the ferrari couldn't possibly have lived since it's a car and cars are inanimate objects.

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How do you stop a clown from laughing? Drive an ax through its head.

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Why is cheese yellow? Answer: I don't know, I was hoping that you would know.

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Wombat monkey juice.

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Why didnt the chicken cross the road? -Its a chicken you dumb shit.

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Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate the mac and cheese before it was cool.

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What do you call a pair of banana peels? Trash.

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What do you call shark with no dorsal fin? Unused ingredients for soup.

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What did the african american ninja say to the jewish bartender? Can I have a beer?

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Why did the man not open his door to the trick or treaters? He was a sex offender and it was illegal for him to open it...

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How do you confuse an idiot? By confusing an idiot.

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Wow, so today is 9/11? Yes.

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Why did the prostitute survive the gunshot? She was wearing a bulletproff vest.

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Why did the lizard cross the road? Because he was stapled to the chicken.

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Who is the worst teacher ever? Mrs. Thompson

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how did they guy with no legs in the wheel chair walk? he couldnt because he had no legs.

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why was 6 afraid of 7? because 7 was a rapist.

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A man walks into the market. He asks a young attractive employee in a smooth voice, "Do you have any honey here, baby?" The employee responds, "No sir. I'm sorry."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops