You know that Duck song on youtube? I dont get it... ducks cant talk...

thumb_up thumb_down -32

yo mama's so fat!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Huffing glue only becomes a problem when you get stuck on it

thumb_up thumb_down -34

A man was having problems with his computer, so he called customer service. An Indian man, by the name of Muhammad picked up the phone. This came of no surprise to the man, because Muhammad is the most common name in the world. The man soon found and fixed the problem on his computer and hung up.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

How do you get a one armed man to fall out of a tree? Wave.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

A worm slowly crawled through the ground, only to be eaten by an incoming bird.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Why did the Monkey Fall out of the tree? ..It was dead..

thumb_up thumb_down -38

why am i so pretty? because god blessed me with good looks

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Q: What do you call 5,000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A tragedy worse than 9/11.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

So this blond chick walks into a bar, and orders a drink.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

What is the best way break up with your significant other without hurting their feelings? It is better to get it over with quickly and decisively. Gunshot to the head should do the trick.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Roses are black, violets are black, we are all black Shit i'm colour blind

thumb_up thumb_down -50

4 strangers are shopping at the mall. The big one does a trick and then the small one was good. The bad was small like a tree, seven days later the short one was having a party with a pretty lady. To the teacher was morning and everyone did happy times.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Why did the man laugh when he saw someone using a shake weight? He remembered Dane Cook's stand up preformance from the night before.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7 raped and murdered 8.

thumb_up thumb_down +73

What happened when Aladdin rubbed his lamp? It got slightly cleaner.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Knock Knock Who's there? The Police. *No Answer* The Police then give the S.W.A.T team the signal, and bust down the door and kill 15 high profile targets issued by Liberia. The man who did not answer the door is Carlos Pedrojeuz, a serial killer, meth addict who has been a part of the sex slave trade for a decade. One might think of answering the door next time.

thumb_up thumb_down +61

Why do black people enjoy watermelon? Because it tastes good.

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Why is there milk on the stairs? Did the cow leak again?

thumb_up thumb_down +59

A man walks outside on a sunny day. Since the sun was very bright, he put on a pair of sunglasses. While this was going on, nothing else really happened and he went on with his day as usual.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

A white guy, a black guy, and a spanish guy jump off a building. They all die on impact and their families mourn their loss for years to come.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

roses ar red vilots ar blue i have hiv

thumb_up thumb_down +51

A guy in a truck delivering furniture runs over a frog. Concerned for the frog, he pulls over and runs back to the frog and asks "Are you ok?" The frog replies "Yeah, you want to buy a cupboard?"

thumb_up thumb_down +49

You again? Well, ill answer again then. Ill be fine, I just got some wounds and got beaten into a coma which nobody was sure I was going to wake up from so details where hidden. As for this Neo guy, I have no idea who he is and where he arrived from, but if he is gone, it wont matter. Lets just say I wont die from these wounds, some people disagree, but I have overcome far, far worse, so trust me, these guys told me I had two weeks to live about a month ago, and the doctor that was there at my birth told me I had two months to live and would never develop a consciousness... I digress and my japing mouth disagrees with his statement regarding my not being able to learn or understand fluid language, hah... ...As for you Golgo12 "some people deem me insane", id say most people do, except six million of them, and I do not plan to leave this realm just because my lifelong dream is set, there is still much to do, point zero is not exactly a nice place at the moment, but technology and money can do wonders, we soon plan to expand things. Sorry everybody else, I am too tired to answer anything, id say something sooner, but I officially beat the record of 11 days without sleep by not being able to sleep for 14 days, and then I raged when I read you need to hold on for at least six weeks on valium if you want to quit cold turkey. Technically docs say I am on 30 mg, but fuck I can handle 20 just fine... Cant say the same about none. Ill gladly share more details, but if I cant sleep soon, the damn pain will keep me awake all night long... Besides I am hungry... Which is good, my nurse (Alice is damn cute lucky me) was concerned about me refusing to eat, thats over... Oh yeah the details, I got some burns (lets not go into details, lets just say that for you that call me pretty face, this is no longer the case) They shattered my knees, but my kneecaps "broke on their own" (dad) when I was four, and you guys know I can run and all that. Except that they put some shit on my eyes before I broke free, but I managed to wash it away, so while I need some glasses until I see if laser surgery can fix my vision again (I doubt it, its not how it works) I will apparently be wearing glasses that Alice says makes me look "cute and nerdy" which to me sounds like Nerdy. Fine I got to eat, so if you have any more questions, feel free, and if Eliza got any more, I ask you guys let her go first, its not like "YOU ARE ALIVE?!? AGAIN?!" Is a question I need to answer to each of you rite? Well now or... Never (aka next week or something) so get moving...

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops