- Anti Joke

What did one prisoner on death row say to the other? Can you please clean off the seat when you're done? I'd like to die in my own urine.

What do you call a gay woman who likes to smoke cigarettes? A lesbian with a possible nicotine addiction.

Whats worse than finding a bad anti-joke on this website? Dieing of Genital Warts

OMG guess what she just told me!! idk......im deaf.

Patient: Doctor, I was cleaning my glass eye and accidentally swallowed it. Doctor: OK. Lean over and spread your legs. Patient: (Leans over and spreads his legs). Doctor: My God! This is the first time, in all my years of practice, that I've ever seen an asshole looking back at me!

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A teacher notices one of her students clutching a cat. She asks him why. The boy, tearfully, explains that he heard his father tell his mother that he was going to eat her pussy when the kids left for school. The teacher laughs and, the class being 10-11 years old thereby at an age approaching biological curiosity, decides to mix this in with a sex education video she was planning on showing them a few weeks later. She then phones the boy's parents who come to collect the cat while reassuring the boy that it is in no danger. The cat was popular with the boy's classmates and they would often go to visit him as a result. Many years later, just after the boy started attending university, the cat was put to sleep at the age of 13 due to liver cancer. The boy placed a Facebook post in honour of his feline friend, which was spotted by a former classmate of his in a routine search who happened to be attending the same university. They ended up reacquainting and beginning a sexual relationship, which was how the boy lost his virginity and eventually blossomed into a 37-year marriage resulting in three children.

Why did someone see a penguin walking in the desert? They were dreaming, because Penguins waddle and live in the Arctic.

:O + :P = 69

A black man and a mexican jump from a tree. Who hits the ground first? The mexican. The black man had a rope tied around his neck.

How do you burn a lot of calories? Set a fat kid on fire.

Q: How do you learn the best break dance moves? A: I don't know. You figure it out.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was crudely stapled to another chicken who insisted on doing so.

A man walks into a doctors office. The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?" The man responds "I'd like to hear the good news." The doctor says "I ran a series of tests and found you have leukemia, but your insurance covered everything." The man hangs his head and tears up as he asks "What's the bad news?" The doctor heads for the door as he answers "Your company is switching to a private insurer and because of your pre-existing condition you're being denied coverage. None of your future treatments or appointments will be paid for." The man snaps his fingers and says "I should've voted Democrat!"

A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

Why did Sam have no friends? Because he was dead.

Whats the differense between a pile of dead babies and a Farrari I actually have a Farrari in my garage.

Women's sports

who's that hot blonde at the disco? your mother.

how much is a microwave full of dead babies? a fridge full of dead puppies.

Q: What's white, sticky, and is swallowed by most women? A: Ice Cream

What did the woman say to her rapist? I've had better.

how do you make a door cry? twist its nob

have you seen Stevie Wonders house? Nope. oh well sorry for bothering you

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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