Friends are like potatoes. If you eat them they die.

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Knock Knock Get off my property or I'll call the cops on you!- Napoleon Dynamite

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Ever see a man say goodbye to a shoe? Yes, once.

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So one day a man walks into a bar. The bartender asks him what he would like to drink. He said he would like a glass of water. The bartender said "why come all the way to a bar just to get some water." The man responded "well its a longer walk to the coffee shop."

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A man opens his sock drawer, grabs his socks and puts them on.........He dies 5 minutes later.

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A man walks into a bar what does he say Ouch

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Two men drove their car of a cliff. They died.

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What do you say to a very ambitious dyslexic child? You're ambition is inspiring and I encourage you to follow your dreams. Some of the worlds greatest people, including Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, and Winston Churchill were dyslexic. Your drive is much bigger than your disorder.

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Why was the bear rushing home after work? Because he was late for dinner.

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What do you call Americas first black president? A change.

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Two Jews were fighting over a penny and then they realizde that they may be made fun of for this and quickly stopped.

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What is worse then a worm in your apple? 2 worms in your apple.

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Whats sad about 4 black guys in a cadillac driving over a cliff? A cadillac seats 5

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What's the difference between a Duck and Michael Jackson? A Duck has feathers and goes "Quack quack" and Michael Jackson touches little boys......

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Boy: Mum... I got a hundred marks! Mother: That's good my son! Which subject was it? Boy: 30 for maths, 40 for english, and 30 for science.

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An Asian woman is driving home from work. She gets in an accident and is killed instantly. Her family is traumatized.

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You know what I hate long anti-jokes that take up too much space.

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A Mexican and a Black man are in a car. Who's driving? The police officer.

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guy 1: hey, i got a new dog. isn't he cute? guy 2: i just lit him on fire

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penis

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A man walks into a bar. ouch.

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why was your family so sad? because you died due to your uncle's son's cousin urinating all over you as a baby causing you to sting yourself continually. did i mention you were born as a scorpion while your family members were all human beings making them neglect and throw you away in their trash when you would always climb out. your family secretly hid affection for you. back to the beginning. when you died everyone in the whole world except bill cosby got cancer at the exact moment you died, but years later (because bill cosby is immortal), he got down syndrome after everyone who was alive during your death died. that is why he goes doo dop bip babbity today.

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A man claims to own a talking dog. A skeptic approaches the man and his dog and asks for a demonstration. The man asks his dog, "How does sandpaper feel?" The dog says, "Ruff!" The skeptic is not convinced. The man then asks his dog, "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog, who like all dogs cannot fully comprehend human speech, proceeds to lick his balls.

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Knock knock. Who's there? John. John who? John. John Anderson. Dude we've been friends since first grade! You really don't remember me? I'm going home!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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